welfare bum

waiting

2010-02-03T14:36:00.000-05:00

I'm waiting for someone to notice.

Books

2010-01-20T21:34:00.001-05:00

for art n' shit

Healthy lunch

2009-12-24T15:28:00.000-05:00

It really was

Desktop

2009-11-27T15:42:00.000-05:00

I'm trying to make my computer go to infinity. It's taking forever.

waiting for the right moment to strike

2009-11-23T14:14:00.001-05:00

as you can see, the domestic house cat is well camoflauged in his
natural environment - carpeting. one paw stays outstretched in the
hopes of snagging a passing pant leg.

so close!

2009-11-23T14:04:00.000-05:00

he tried SO HARD to jump off the side of the chair, then the
narcolepsy kicked in.

i found this

2009-11-12T22:06:00.000-05:00

i think they're supposed to be hearts, but one kinda looks like pacman

keeping the neighbours out

2009-11-10T10:07:00.000-05:00

I had to put up a fence at work

On my desk this morning

2009-10-29T08:09:00.001-04:00

aren't we all?

Please Eat

2009-09-15T09:33:00.000-04:00

sometimes people bring in food to the office to share with everyone.
today I came in to see a loaf of bread on the lunch room table with a
post-it note saying "please eat". I like he idea of bringing random
grocery items in. I think I'll bring in a can of tuna.

sometimes I wonder...

2009-08-26T10:33:00.001-04:00

if Toronto is trying to compensate for something...

it is very nice in its night-time colours though

Stitch 'N Pitch

2009-08-25T19:09:00.000-04:00

it's like Jurassic Park on my desk

2009-08-06T11:34:00.000-04:00

I think a zoo exploded on my computer

Lunch time for lizards

2009-07-31T11:12:00.001-04:00

like any self-respecting office worker, i have dinosaurs and lizards on my desk. i came in this morning to find that someone has been feeding them without my knowledge

they've come for our souls

2009-05-09T09:40:00.001-04:00

on just about any given day, there are vultures circling around my office building

Vandalism win

2009-05-02T15:34:00.002-04:00

I saw this amazing painting while out walking around today.

Al, you made my day

it's a madhouse

2009-03-25T15:17:00.003-04:00

insane when you look at them all.

you've been posted

2009-03-19T10:10:00.002-04:00

the sheer volume of office supplies given out to me is staggering.

nine weeks of excuses

2009-03-17T14:03:00.002-04:00

i've changed desks three times at the office.

the firewall's rules have changed more times than that.

today is st. patrick's day. a day where we all pretend to be just a little bit irish so that we all have an excuse to drink green beer until we puke green barf. it's also an excuse for office people to wear green clothes, and then talk aboot said clothing.

one of the annoying douchebags in my office has a multitude of leather jackets - all of them appear to be the exact same style (although bear in mind that i am MALE and unable to tell the subtle differences in women's clothing - that's why i shop at Old Navy) - but they're all different colours. some days we get the red leather jacket, some days back, grey, navy blue. i'm sure that her leather jackets probably reflect the mood she's in on any given morning. heck, it could just be one leather jacket that changes colour like a mood ring.

today's mood is irish, ergo today's colour is green.

and i think that the only thing funnier than a green leather jacket is series of comments that come along with that jacket. other women approach douchie to say things like "oh wow, that's quite the colour! that looks really ... nice!" - i think that's politespeak for "holy crap, you look like what happened when my dog ate that bag of spinach last spring."

three weeks later

2009-01-21T10:42:00.002-05:00

somehow being lazy in the office is paying off for me. i've discovered that in my current place of work that when you have the ability to take control of a client conference call (a skill which the bulk of sales people seem to lack) that you will gain the respect of your management. it has been rumoured that i will be nominated for employee of the quarter for my conference call abilities.

lesson learned: you can succeed by doing less than you think you should. especially in the corporate world.

almost next year, i want to take a picture

2008-12-31T10:01:00.002-05:00

so i've got some ideas that revolve around the fact that i haven't done as much photography this year as i had intended to do. i love doing the photo developing at home, but it is quite time consuming and has certain temperature requirements (my makeshift film developing room is too cold right now).

so i'm gonna put out a call to everyone who has leftover rolls of film. at one point before the whole digital photography thing took over, people used to take pictures with real film in film-requiring cameras. some people are bound to still have some of this film sitting around in a box or a drawer somewhere - so this is directed to you.

if you have film sitting around at home that you've been meaning to use, but haven't bothered because you've got a digital camera and/or the cost of getting the film processed is less than awesome to you, let me know because i'd love to get my hands on it. the older, the better. i want to do some experimentation and sometimes the crappy old film gets the best results.

i prefer that the film be older than 6 months old (unless you really just want to get rid of it) - i'm kind of looking for stuff that's aged a bit.

if you're in the GTA, i may be able to come get it from you. if you're not in the Toronto area, drop me a line and maybe i'll work out some shipping details. hopefully i'll get a few responses, and i'll post the results of the old-film photography here.

keep in mind too that if you have friends or relatives that don't read this, you can pass the info along to them as well, just drop a comment here with how i can contact you for the film.

happy new year 'n shit eh!

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-24T09:27:00.001-05:00

I'm off for the holidays eh! Leave a funny and/or rude comment eh?

--
mathieu

"On the moon, the weekend has advanced beyond your wildest dreams.
Weekends now take up the entire week, and jobs have been phased out
accordingly."

the road is tough

2008-12-11T09:06:00.006-05:00

it's such a pain in the ass when the city in which you live has decided that in order to save money, they must wait until absolutely necessary to send out the snow plows. it took me 20 minutes to drive one block today, but strangely the same amount of time to turn around and go to work on a different road.

at my company, nobody can leave voicemails it seems. it's so bizarre. one of our corporate standards is that we're supposed to change our voicemail message every day (several times in a day if you've got meetings), but rather than leave a message for someone, people in this place just call around to other people and ask if the missing person is in the office.

heck, if you call in to the office main line, the receptionist is supposed to page out to someone who doesn't answer their extension right away and then ask the caller if they don't mind being put through to their voicemail.

i guess the idea is that it helps gain us customer service points, but i think it's almost getting a bit ridiculous. there's no reason i should get a phone call from someone asking if my supervisor is in the office when they can just leave him a bloody voicemail.

Ritz and Peanut Butter - not as awesome as you'd think

2008-12-01T10:50:00.003-05:00

i have a fondness for both Ritz Crackers and Peanut Butter, but must sadly admit that they do not go together as well as i'd hoped.

i'd have to say that for the best cracker/peanut butter combo, you're looking at either premium plus salted tops or tastey triscuit crackers. my theory about ritz crackers is they are best eaten either on their own, or with cheese.

who knew?

2008-11-22T19:41:00.000-05:00

beer and s'mores DO go together.

officially launched

2008-11-20T10:07:00.002-05:00

so the ManSpun Yarn web site is officially launched. yeah, i know it was there before, but now it has yarns on it available for purchase.

so show the world how manly you are - buy some yarn and start knitting!

baby, it's cold inside

2008-11-19T10:49:00.002-05:00

sometime in the last couple of days, it got very cold in the toronto area. temperatures dropped from "reasonable and spring-like" to "early winter" in the space of about 2 days.

also in the last couple of days, my furnace, thermostat or both seem to have experienced an epic fail. despite me setting the damn thing at 27 degrees (80 fahrenheit), the actual temperature seems to be floating between 15 and 18 degrees (60 and 65 american degrees). although cool in the temperature sense, it's not at all cool in the awesome sense especially since i'm going to have to get the landlord to fix it. he suggested that it may not be calibrated, so i hope it's something simple.

why can't things just work properly all the time?

comin' to get you

2008-11-07T08:58:00.003-05:00

sometimes i wish my iPhone had a glare-reduction feature on it...

the smurf army is coming to take your life.

also, anyone who's interested in knitting, i'm in the process of launching a new web site - ManSpun Yarn. it's for men who think that current selections of yarn are too girly, or for women who have come to their senses.

the shop isn't set up yet, but every yarn you see is available for purchase and is handspun by none other than myself using only the manliest of techniques. you can follow the blog in preparation of the launch of the store.

long lunch plus boredom equals tablecloth

2008-10-28T15:21:00.002-04:00

just a note for all you canadian corporate monkeys like myself: you cannot get out of Montana's at lunch time in a reasonable time frame. your tablecloth will end up looking like this:

it's kind of hard to see in the picture, but the waitress had written We Love Appetizers, which I promptly changed to We Love CRappetizers.

because we all do love them.

today my company did the corporate lunch thing for the entire staff. it wasn't cardboard sandwiches from Druxy's though, it was corporate canada's second favourite flavourless meal option: greek food.

now, that's not saying that greek food is flavourless. although i've never been a fan of the greek food i have had in my life, i'm sure that most greek food is abundant in flavour. food chosen by corporations for employee luncheons tends to be where the flavour is removed from the food. i've sworn to myself that i will never eat another corporate sponsored stale, mayo soaked druxy's sandwich or shitty-white-sauce drenched plate of random greek food (read: weird looking greasy potatoes, chicken, rice and shitty salad) again .

why are HR people so addicted to such bad food? why do they feel the need to constantly pump that shit into our faces? who knows. i figure being that i'm only at the 9 year point in my career that i'm a good six years away from properly understanding the obsession with druxy's sandwiches and shitty luke-warm greek food.

i think the poor quality has something to do with the fact that food purchased from restaurants of any sort in bulk amounts is largely prepared with a deadline in mind rather than flavour or presentation. the amount of overcooked rice and yellow lettuce consumed by my free-lunch-addicted coworkers was rather outstanding though. i'm pretty sure that you could have some dude crap on a plate and mundane corporate employees would eat it as long as it was free and there was cake afterwards.

PT Cruiser Review: American Mediocrity at its finest

2008-10-22T09:30:00.002-04:00

Mediocrity - that just about sums up what Chrysler has delivered to the world in its PT Cruiser. I've been driving a rental PT Cruiser for about 3 days now and although i can't find much in the ways of negative things to say about it, i also can't find much in the ways of positive things to say about it. it's just... there. kind of like a big flashy Dodge Neon.

(sorry for the stock photo - the light hasn't been the greatest for photos)

upon first glance, it's kind of neat looking. and almost looks big. when you sit in it for the first time, you'll notice that you're much more upright than in a car, but perhaps not as much as a mini-van and there's no climb like in an SUV. perhaps as a result of having not driven many north american cars, i found almost all of the controls to be counter-intuitive: the controls for the windshield wipers required twisting instead of up/down motion, the power window controls are in the upper-middle area of the dashboard.

the trunk area is also surprisingly small for a vehicle that appears to be so large, but if my memory suits correctly the entire thing is in fact built on a Neon frame, which would put this into the compact or sub-compact size range.

when you step on the gas pedal, it accelerates well. certainly nothing special, but the 150 hp 2.4 liter engine is definitely more powerful than my Toyota Yaris. it does not absorb the bumps and cracks of the road as much as i'd hoped for from a $25,000 automobile - i'd actually say that my significantly-less-expensive sub compact Toyota actually does a better job in that respect. although i haven't actually purchased gas yet, i can tell by the gas guage that it's not even remotely close to as fuel efficient as the automobiles i'm used to.

good news: there is plenty of head room in the vehicle and loads of leg room. being 6'2" tall, i can certainly appreciate this. my Yaris is just barely large enough for someone my size, but i have no issues in the PT Cruiser with that respect. HOWEVER, as Martini points out in his review of the HHR (GM's similarly styled offering), there are various visibility issues to the point where it could almost be a safety concern. for me, seeing things like stop lights required me to crouch down and forward to be able to see them as the PT Cruiser's roof seems to slope forward into the field of view; the passenger-side visor almost entirely blocked the right side of the windshield when it was down; the rear-view mirror does not offer a full view of the rear window and there are large and noticeable blind spots. i find myself looking over my shoulder and crouching to look around continuously while driving this thing.

all that said, it's a nice looking automobile in my opinion. the retro, fluid style to it is very appealing to me, but i think that the less expensive and more fuel-efficient HHR would appeal to me more - even with its visibility issues. in an automotive world dominated by either power or efficiency, Chrysler's PT Cruiser offers neither. just a nifty looking small car.

corporate douchebag communication

2008-10-21T15:03:00.000-04:00

it seems to me that one of the most popular methods of communication for corporate douchebags is voicemail. it's almost as though most of these corporate douchebags call each other knowing full well that the other douche they're trying to reach won't answer their phone and leave the message accordingly with the hope that when they get the call back with the info they need that it will be left for them in the same voicemail format.

i think it's like some sort of mark of honour, a comparison they can make when they actually get around to seeing each other face-to-face. "i had seventeen voicemails this morning - it sure is busy in my department"

while i wonder to myself "and did you really need to listen to all of them on speakerphone you cunt?"

speaking of speakerphone, there are literally four conference calls going on within ear-shot of me right now all on speakerphone. i kind of wonder as to the effectiveness of that situation. they didn't all start at the same time, so someone had to have been able to hear for themselves that there's already a speakerphone cranked up volume-wise. does it really make sense to have your speaker on too so that your client can hear everything that the other client is talking aboot? and it's almost as if there's a volume war when captain arsehole behind me starts checking her voicemail.

in which i start knitting and rent a car... or van... or something?

2008-10-20T13:32:00.001-04:00

i got my yarn order in for my sweater yesterday. i know, it took a while - but it's literally going to be the softest and most comfortable sweater in the history of human kind - made entirely from Misti Alpaca yarn that i got from Knit-o-matic.

on top of being the softest and most comfortable sweater on the face of the earth, it may rank as one of the heaviest since it's going to have like 10-12 balls of yarn in it. i *think* that means it will end up being around 2 1/2 lbs by the time i'm done with it.

totally off topic, if you have a love for death metal like i do, and a love for Arnold Schwarzenegger movies like i do you'll have to check out Austrian Death Machine. Death Metal + Arnie = Total Brutal. 'nuff said.

and while the Yaris is in the shop getting it's bum(per) fixed, i've got a PT Cruiser as a rental. my review of the mediocrity of america will follow in the next couple of days.

total brutal

2008-10-16T09:40:00.003-04:00

after over five months of waiting, my job actually seems to have purpose now. for the last four or five consecutive business days i have been getting assignments left, right and center for some of the most boring and stupid reports anyone could possibly imagine.

don't believe me? imagine a corporation saying "I'd like to know how much we've spent on Ford transmission repairs over the last six and a half years" and being serious, and that being your job.

but on a lighter note, i've got tuxedo pictures. first though, me looking concerned with headphones sticking out of my ears:

and me with a clean shave and nice looking duds:

almost doesn't look like the same person eh?

picture day in doucheland

2008-10-06T10:30:00.001-04:00

i think i forgot to mention that today's picture day in my office. yes, for some godforsaken reason, my company wants to have photos of every person and every team (let's hear it for team spirit!) in the company. from what i understand, it's in the effort of compiling an office douchebag yearbook.

my main argument with respect to this is that if the company is going to the extent where we have an incentive program based entirely on saving the company money, why is it that they're paying for a professional photographer to come in and literally waste 15 minutes of time of every single employee in the office. my estimate is that it's nearly 50 hours of lost productivity by doing this ridiculous yearbook idea on top of the costs to shoot the photos and actually produce the book.

well, every employee except myself. i'm choosing to opt out for the aforementioned reason and choosing to waste my time in other manners. my supervisor noticed first today that i hadn't shaved. it's actually a pretty easy to make observation because i haven't shaved since the wedding.

the really funny thing about photo day is that my company has had almost a revolving door of staff turn-around since i started here. i'm betting there's been a minimum of 15 people who've been let go/quit since i started here 5 short months ago. so really, there's a good chance that by the time the "yearbook" is published that another dozen people who are in the photos will be "former" employees. more gooder, all the time.

such a fine line between stupid and clever

2008-10-03T14:45:00.001-04:00

there's a person in my office who is catastrophically stupid. and i almost feel bad saying that because she is a really nice person, but damn.

i'm sure most people work with at least one of these people. they try so hard to contribute to a discussion and may even chip in with an idea or two, but all too often those ideas are just... um... ridiculous? absurd? retarded?

tough to say.

like imagine establishing a fact in a meeting - perhaps your next scheduled meeting should be on a friday, but you have to reschedule it to wednesday because the office is closed. everyone agrees and makes the notes on their respective note pads. after agreeing on this fact, the office idiot pipes up saying "maybe we should reschedule friday's meeting because we won't be here..."

no kidding! really?

i find as well that it takes exactly three explanations of a fact in order for it to sink into this person's mind. in the meeting i will say "okay, so this event is monday then, and we're doing this" - this person's follow up would be something to the effect of what should this event be, and when should it take place. someone else in the room will see the obvious look of frustration on my face, re-explain the situation and be presented with a second set of equally simple-to-answer but entirely ridiculous questions. person three will chime in, reiterate what has been reiterated and finally, the information will be assimilated.

and the total elapsed time from explanation one to explanation three: no more than five minutes.

it's kind of like watching a Pepe Le Pew cartoon, knowing full well that skunk should bloody well realize that not only should he realize that the cat doesn't want anything to do with him, but also that she's a fucking cat. not even the same species dude. she just has white paint on her back. cats don't even look like skunks, and they certainly don't smell like them.

the only problem is that the office idiot isn't a cartoon and it's not funny at all, it's just frustrating. frustrating like getting a double-double instead of a black coffee. frustrating like watching Nancy Grace interview a defence attorney.

i swear before i'm through at this place i'm going to be one of those TGIF people. if i set my screen saver to reference the end of the week or the end of the business day, please shoot me.

welcome to costco. i love you.

2008-10-01T14:15:00.000-04:00

have i ever mentioned that the woman that sits in the office behind me checks every voicemail and makes/takes every phone call on speakerphone?

because if i haven't, then i should. it's horrendously annoying. and she always leaves her office door open so that all of us out in the cubicle farm can hear everything that's going on.

she's quite the beast of a woman too. a little pudgy, a little old and a voice that could grate parmesan cheese. she's got beady little eyes that try to hide behind expensive-but-not-stylish glasses and short blond hair that looks like it was coloured with javex (i'm sure it's proper colour is either grey, charcoal, or just plain awful - whatever colour satan's ass-hairs are). she's a manager here and i think she's been an employee of the company for like 20 years or some shit.

and if the aforementioned things weren't bad enough - she sneezes so loud that you can easily hear her even in the rare instance when she does close her office door. it's like she projects the sneeze with her manly, bellowing voice so that the others of her species can hear her call.

what's really funny though, is that while on one of these seamlessly never-ending speakerphone calls she'll belt out a few of these sneezes. sometimes two or three in a row. my very scientific and educated guess would be because her species is dwindling in numbers and she needs that call to be heard across the continent.

on top of it all she's got the holier-than-thou office manager attitude, like somehow by the grace that she has the word "manager" in her job title, that makes her superior to all others not just from a employer-employee standpoint, but with everything else in life. she's got a bad case of one-upping-you syndrome - like if you've got a bmw 3-series, she's got a 5-series. if you've got two meetings scheduled for the afternoon, she's got three.

every day i put on my headphones in an attempt to drown out her manly hollering voice, but the volume on my iPod only goes so loud and with a somewhat damaged auditory system it's difficult for me to go great lengths of time with my headphones on.

you know, she's the only person on my floor that locks her office door. i'm not sure if there's some sort of reasoning behind that, but even the finance people don't go to that extent. she will even lock her door when she's going out for one of her 15 smoke breaks every day (which make her smell wonderful).

and don't get me started on shoulder pads.

a magnet of awesome

2008-09-30T11:20:00.001-04:00

so for the second time this year, i was hit by a car.

luckily for me this time, i was in my car when the other car hit me from behind. and really, it wasn't a car, it was a van. i wish i could say that nobody was at fault, but really - it was him. when you hit someone from behind it's generally because you're following them too closely. i managed to stop for the guy that cut me off - i would think that the guy following me should be able to return the favour. it took every ounce of my energy to not shout at the guy and say words that would even get censored on canadian television. i left it at "you were following too close and driving too fast - that's why you hit me. get me your insurance papers NOW!"

and what's with people hitting me with their automobiles? this happened to me a couple of years ago in my other car too. it's not like i have a "Kick Me" sign taped to my back or something. i even checked for that in the mirror.

there's not much damage to the car. minor scrapes and the like, but i'm still filing an insurance claim. i'll be damned if i get stuck paying for this when i have to return my car at the end of the lease. the insurance people told me that despite the fact that there were no charges laid that they would still hold the other driver's insurance responsible for paying for the damages. pure awesome in my opinion. also, it's best that a proper mechanic make the decision rather than me. last time this happened i would have gotten stuck with a $900 bill for the replacement of the entire bumper assembly if i'd listened to myself and said "aah, the damage isn't THAT bad."

still - there's more proof for you as to why insurance rates are so stupidly high in the GTA - because people who can barely speak or even read english are allowed to pass driving tests and drive however they want. i seriously question how this person should be allowed to drive. i actually had to help him spell the word "white" on the collision report when describing the colour of his van. and on top of that, i also had to write out the story of what happened for him because he could not do it. in fact, the majority of the collision report was beyond his level of english comprehension. if someone who has that poor a grasp on the language that we speak here can pass a written test to drive a car, then perhaps things need to change a bit. it could just be that he didn't understand the part of the driving book that says "don't drive fast really close to the car in front of you".

don't get me wrong. i understand that everyone who originally settled this country has faced this type of issue at one point or another, but perhaps a little more time should be spent on educating people as to the rules and regulations that accompany potentially life threatening situations - like driving an automobile. and anyone who says that driving an automobile is not a life threatening situation should remember that people with cars kill more than people with guns in north america.

in which i wear a tuxedo, shave two days in a row and make a very short speech

2008-09-29T11:15:00.001-04:00

so yes, it is in fact true. i wore a tuxedo this weekend.

and let that also mark the first time in my 31 years that i've ever worn a suit of any kind (other than birthday of course!). all in all, the day went quite well. sure things were hectic during the setup in the morning of, and it did kinda rain during the outdoor ceremony, but the rain wasn't that bad and the day was pretty fun.

so - t. , if you're reading this: happy birthday and thanks for a great time this weekend. d: thanks for picking me as your best man, and sorry my toast was short. i could think of all the right things to say, but i think the nervousness of speaking to 50 people at the same time got me and everything got jumbled.

and that brings me to monday. at work. the expression "sounds like someone's got a case of the mondays" really applies to this work place. it's so bizarre just how many of your standard office stereotypes actually happen here. maybe it's just that i'm not accustomed to working in such an environment - maybe this is the "normal" office world and everything else i've worked in up to this point has been the exception.

it's been a day of waiting so far. most days are. today i have 4 assignments that require responses from the account manager that requested them, and i've had one assignment sent to me that was literally only about several minutes of work. most of what i've done so far this morning has involved me eating mini-wheats, drinking coffee and texting my sister. maybe i'll hit the bike shop today, or maybe even the guitar store. or both if i'm feeling really ambitious.

things i have to do this weekend

2008-09-26T09:57:00.001-04:00

wear a tuxedo (my sister's getting married and i'm the best man eh!)
shave (see above reasoning)
drink beer (again, see above)

i actually shaved today in preparation for tomorrow. i figured i probably hadn't done so in two or three weeks so if i tried scraping all that hair off my face tomorrow it would probably be more painful and bloody than a mel gibson movie.

also? i ordered an iPhone from my cell phone provider the other day and was informed that there are backlogs in shipping them out still so i might not receive it until october even though i want it now.

the people that clean the office where i work seem to spend an odd amount of time trying to make sure that my desk is neat and tidy. every morning the mess of papers is stacked and the plethora of cereal and cracker boxes that are strewn about my desktop are neatly aligned by size and content. the pop cans and water bottles that litter my desk are always taken away, my pens are lined up neatly and my cutlery is put in proper order (fork, knife THEN spoon).

the only thing the cleaning staff doesn't seem to do is wash my coffee mug which is, in my opinion, probably the easiest thing they could do. it's probably the most obvious thing that warrants attention on my desk too. lined up cereal boxes and stacked paper are great, but day old coffee starts to smell if it's not attended to in a prompt manner.

but then again, nothing really makes sense in this place. it seems like everyone in the company is extremely busy with shit to do EVERY DAY and that i'm the only one who's making their best effort to just kill time but not make it blatantly obvious that i'm doing so. the really odd thing is that i think it's largely because other people here are ridiculously inefficient in their day-to-day tasks. like an executive or a manager may request a report, i'd run the report and send it to them. assuming that i do ever hear back from one of these people it's usually to the effect of "can you export this to Excel - it's not working on my computer for some reason." this is usually a result of them trying to just copy and paste the information from the reporting application directly, which just plain doesn't work - so they have to ask for help.

and not just ask for help, but get in the elevator, come down two floors walk over to me and ask me at my desk rather than just pick up the phone and call me (i.e. pick up the phone, push four buttons, talk, hang up). the whole "getting help exporting to excel" process generally eats up about 20-25 minutes of executive/manager time because they've got to stop and shoot the shit about how much rain we've had, and is this nice weather we're having going to last, and holy crap is gas ever expensive eh?

you know, another odd thing about this place is that i've never worked anywhere that had such an emphasis on the end of the day and the end of the week. i'd go out on a limb and guess that at least one in ten computers in the office has a screen saver set to say something like "is it friday yet???" or "is it 5 o'clock yet???" is that a regular thing in office land or have i been magically transported to some bizarre tv show?

i wonder if Jack White will give me guitar lessons.

698 is awfully close

2008-09-25T16:10:00.001-04:00

close, but not quite enough. my 4GB iPod nano currently has 698 songs on it, but that's not quite enough for the entire work week plus travel time. i figure that i'll have to repeat some songs starting late tomorrow afternoon.

that's the excitement that i'm looking forward to. or the the excitement to which i'm looking forward i suppose is the gooder grammer.

grammar?

grammy?

i'm not going to pretend that spelling is my forte (pretend i typed the accent in there so it sounds like fortay). it once was. in my university edumucation days, or even my college edumucation, but it seems to me that in the last couple of years of being bored to death in the work place that my spelling skills are slowly declining. i think it means i need to read more.

this week did have its busy moments though. i had 12 reports that i had to deploy for a client, although when i deployed them it turned out their logins aren't set up correctly so they can't even access them anyways. not to mention the fact that the dude that requested the reports hasn't replied to any of my questions. do these reports suit his needs? who knows? not me, nor do i care.

i've also determined that caring about the end result is not nearly as important as actually just finishing the product. in the roughly 128 days of my employment at this company i've completed 78 projects and have received only 2 acknowledgements that what i sent out was good. i know that generally you can follow the "no news is good news" rule, but this place seems to take the "no news" part a little too far.

i have also yet to determine whether or not coming to work between 30 and 40 minutes late every day is impacting my employer's opinion of me. my 3 month probationary status with the company has come and gone without a hint of notice from anyone other than myself and my direct supervisor seems to be of the opinion that if his boss doesn't mention that it's necessary, then it isn't. in the grand scheme of things i can't see it being a terrible thing to come in late if you're not actually doing any work when you get here. i'm almost as productive in my car on the way to work as i am sitting in front of this computer. the main difference between me at work and me in the car is that in the car i can't hit the web to determine what kind of guitar i want to buy or what kind of bike would suit me best for the winter months.

in theory, i should probably be more cautious about the things i mention with respect to me working. all internet activity is monitored by the Surf Control and about half of the world's best time-wasting web sites are blocked.

boss, if you're reading this - i'm working my ass off here. the report's almost done.

it's september, so this must be about a charity eh?

2008-09-10T14:39:00.003-04:00

so, what's happened in the last two weeks since i posted last? not much if you're referring to my job. i'm doing pretty much the same nothing now that i was two weeks ago except that today i had spaghetti for lunch.

also? i'm taking part in the Terry Fox run for cancer research again. i will be running 10 km at the Port Credit run location this upcoming Sunday September 14th. my fundraising goal is $500 this time around. when Terry Fox originally did his Marathon of Hope, all he asked for was $1 from every Canadian. i don't think i'm going to get every to canadian with this post, but feel free to pass the link around for everyone you know to donate. and i'm not limiting myself to just canadians either - i'm more than happy to take donations from anywhere and everywhere.

not only is it for a good cause, but know that the Terry Fox Foundation makes sure that almost 90% of every dollar goes directly into cancer research. overhead and administration is always kept as low as possible, and nobody is turned away from the Terry Fox Run because they didn't raise enough money. every dollar counts.

so sponsor me on my 10 km adventure. if you're so inclined, you can come down to the Port Credit location and run with me - i'm not very fast so you shouldn't have any issue keeping up with me. it's fun, and it's for a good cause.

most people think they would kill for my job

2008-08-29T09:59:00.003-04:00

"so then mmat, what do you do for a living there eh?"

nothing.

and in a way, i'm not entirely exaggerating. the amount of work i do in a day does not justify my being employed, but somehow i remain. i've passed through the 3 month probationary period (sans performance review to this point) so from a legal perspective it will now be difficult for the company to justify letting me go.

do i choose to do nothing every day? well, yes and no. i choose to continue to work here until something better comes along, but i do not choose my workload - or lack thereof.

every day i come to work and hope to the gods that something will have happened and they'll need me to work my ass off. i keep hoping that at some point someone will say "hey mmat, this is why we were so excited to hire you - we need you to work your way through this...." but that never happens. i sit, and wait.

and the waiting game is not the most fun game to play. my internet access is extremely limited: no Youtube, no music-related web sites, most online comic sites are blocked, no SomethingAwful.com for me either. most of the images don't even come through in my Google Reader.

and doing non-internet related things is risky based on the location of my desk. i have one of those desks that about 60% of the people on my floor walk past at least twice a day. somehow, that seems to always be my fate. at my last job, i sat directly in front of the CEO's office, the job previous i was sitting in front of the VP of Operations. so some days i read a book, some days i doodle in my sketch book, but anything i do has to be in relatively short sessions. reading too long will encourage the "what are you reading" people to start asking questions, drawing too much sparks the "ooh, are you an artist?" comments.

i'm not an artist. i'm just incredibly bored.

earlier in the year, my dad got me a subscription to Bicycling Magazine. i have read every issue cover-to-cover so far this year. even the advertisements.

i suppose i should be happy that i am at least employed, and to a certain extent i am. i am surprised that the company for which i work pays me to come in and forces me to spend a full 8+ hour day here. i'd really like to have something to do to pass the time though. other people in the office seem to be busy - or maybe they're just really good at pretending.

and today, the day before a long weekend, will be one of the worst. i expect anyone who has the authority to request work from me today will either be taking the day off or leaving the office early. being that i'm a new employee, i do not yet qualify for time off and will sit here drawing pictures and reading The Great Shark Hunt until 5 pm.

sky rockets in flight, afternoon delight!

2008-08-26T10:41:00.003-04:00

i just bought this shirt:

because seriously - unicorns! humping! and it's called Afternoon Delight!

knitting is the manliest sport of all, right after cycling

2008-08-18T11:15:00.004-04:00

yes, it's true. i knit.

though not very well, and not very quickly. probably through a lack of practice and commitment. i have an awesome handspun yarn that i got for christmas (courtesy of Studioloo) that is nice enough on its own that i don't have to do any fancy stitches or anything like that to make my scarf look nice. but being that my wardrobe is seriously aging and my collection of Mr. Rogers style cardigan sweaters is reducing itself each year through wear, i've decided that i'm going to undertake a task that no man has ever done before:

i'm going to knit a sweater.

well, i'm pretty sure that through the years maybe one or two men has knitted a sweater before but mine will be better and will likely take much longer to make. and it's not through inexperience that it will take so long, but simply because i'm so frickin awesome.

i was persuaded to get a copy of Son of Stitch 'N Bitch this weekend and found a few patterns in there that i'm going to try to figure out. figuring out knitting patterns is more difficulty because of my manliness, but dammit, i'm going to get it right. also, i need a new sweater because mine are running out of time. thankfully, the book has a glossary of all the weird abbreviations and terms that are used in these patterns that make them more bizarre looking than japanese stereo instructions.

hopefully in the next few days i'll be able to post the first progress pictures.

on time like canada frickin post

2008-08-14T09:34:00.001-04:00

today i decided to show up to work with a clean shave, freshly cut hair and nice looking clothes. more than likely people will think i've got a job interview, and i find it fun to make people think that.

i don't have an interview by the way. looking for work is annoying.

but i also managed to show up on time, probably for the first time this week. well before the twice-a-day guys even assembled to go out. the funny thing about this morning's coffee run for them is that the leader of this group (my boss) was actually a good 40 minutes late for work and hadn't even logged in yet. he just strolled in at ten minutes after nine, set down his bag and said "let's go gentlemen, i need my coffee this morning"

what was i doing at work so early (aka on time)? well yesterday i actually worked, so this morning i emailed the last report i was working on and started hitting my limited internet access for a new hat and a bike i will probably never buy because i can never make up my mind about things (how could i possibly betray Agent Orange?). i've been lacking discipline over the last week or so with respect to getting on my bike so a $700 purchase in that department may not be qualified at this point. i probably can justify buying a hat because hey - twenty bucks right?

the tim horton's phenomenon

2008-08-07T14:29:00.001-04:00

as almost every Canadian citizen knows and understands, the place for you to get a reliable cup of coffee in Canada is Tim Horton's. some people have philosophized that they put addictive chemicals in their coffee, some people believe that there's something about the cream that they put in the coffee that somehow makes it more addictive, but the fact is that it's just an inexpensive generic and reliable cup of coffee is what truly makes it what it is. if you buy a Tim Horton's coffee in downtown Toronto, it will taste the same as the cup of Tim Horton's coffee you bought in Vancouver and it's not going to cost you an arm and a leg to buy it. a generic coffee at Starbucks will cost you over $2, but that same generic coffee at ol' Timmy's will only cost you $1.40.

and anyone who works in the corporate world in Canada knows that Tim Horton's is an essential part of your daily office routine. my last two jobs showed me that Canadian office workers have an uncanny addiction to the caffeine in the aforementioned coffee and the routine involved in acquiring it. pass by any Tim Horton's at 8:30 am and you'll see for yourself the lineup of cars that will extend beyond their drive-thru, circle the parking lot and generally go out into the street.

at my new job, i see this corporate coffee addiction on an astronomical level. there is a Tim Horton's across the street to the north AND across the street to the east. my direct manager leads a group of 3 people out every morning at 9am and returns with a minimum of ten coffees for various people in the office. another group heads out at 3pm for the same thing. based on my calculations, the general area where i sit spends approximately $30 a day on coffee over there.

these twice-a-day guys will often dump unnecessary amounts of money into this habit. for some of them it's the status of a decent tasting cup of coffee at a decent price. "at least i don't shell out $5 a cup at Starbucks!" for some it's just an excuse to go out and have a cigarette while "walking" or "getting some fresh air". the twice-a-day guys are helpful because when they start stirring about you know you can put your feet up and goof off for the next 20 minutes and not get caught (well, if your boss is involved with the twice-a-day guys like mine is).

and then there's the sippers. the sippers are often women in the office (sorry, not meant to sound sexist or anything) and they buy a coffee on the way to work, usually in the drive through. they will take ALL DAY to drink the coffee purchased first thing in the morning; it's not uncommon to see one of their half-empty cups of coffee on their desk well into the afternoon hours - but that's not the only bizarre thing about it. they will claim to have the same addiction as the twice-a-day guys, but will only ever have the one coffee and likely never finish it. the most odd behaviour though is the transportation of this cup throughout the day. for any meeting, movement around within the office or general chit-chat the sippers will always have that cup in their hand. they will likely drink nothing from the cup during the entirety of the meeting/conversation/whatever, but they will have that cup with them. about the only place the cup won't go with them is the bathroom - but i suppose that i can't really confirm that because i've never actually been into the women's bathroom.

it's almost as if the sippers want to be caffeine addicts, but because they can't handle it they at least go with the status of carrying the cup around. it kind of reminds me of high school drinking parties - you'd see those two-drink-drunks walking around with that room temperature beer, wasted out of their minds and often talking about how much beer they've had. everyone knew that they were lying, but nobody had the heart to say anything to their face. it is much the same with the sippers, walking around with their stale, cold double-doubles talking about how they can't live without their Tim Horton's.

and between the sippers, the twice-a-day guys and all of the casual coffee drinkers, i'd say it's a ratio of about 50% of desks that you can walk past at any given moment and see a Tim Horton's cup. my company consumes so much of their coffee that the local Tim Horton's actually makes charitable donations and supplies food and coffee when the company does fundraiser events. it's such an odd place.

one week since you looked at me

2008-08-05T10:09:00.001-04:00

the blisters have finally healed. i kept trying to over-do it and ended up re-buggering them, but i'm finally used to my new shoes now.

oh, and i'm going to be going to the Stitch N' Pitch in Toronto tonight. that's right, i'll be knitting (slowly) and watching baseball at the same time. it's to be hoped that no sudden line drives get sent my way while i'm knitting, but it's been my experience that baseball moves slow enough that i should be able to manage both sports at the same time.

i've also noticed that despite my efforts to prevent it, i've still got a pretty good case of driver's tan going on. i'm not sure how because my commute is now down to 1/10th of its original distance, but surely enough one arm is certainly darker than the other. somehow i also managed to get sunburned on my neck this weekend, so for the next couple of days i will officially be a red neck. yee haw.

overdone?

2008-07-28T13:43:00.001-04:00

SO, this weekend i learned a valuable lesson: don't over-do it with new shoes on.

i've learned this lesson before actually. every time i buy a new pair of shoes i learn this lesson. i'm sure we all do. you would think that with the amount of times we've all had blisters on our heels and ankles that there would be some sort of click that goes on in our brains that says "whoah nelly, walking for several hours in new shoes is a stupid idea"

but no.

so this fine and sunny monday morning i sit here with blisters on my heels from new shoes. the crazy thing is that the rest of my feet are fine. the new shoes are extremely comfortable otherwise.

totally off topic though...

in the corporate world, does it really count as being properly dressed for the office if you're wearing a white dress shirt with a Corona Beer t-shirt under it? does that mean that i can get away with wearing my running shoes to the office? because i did (wear running shoes - not the beer t-shirt. i've never owned and will never own one of those).

also, i never bring enough fruit to work. in my efforts to reduce the number of crappy foods i eat (which is in an effort to get rid of the ol' office belly) i try to eat as much fruit as possible at work but never seem to bring enough. and damn that fruit for having such a high water content.

the end of the Blogger Bike Week challenge

2008-07-26T21:35:00.003-04:00

although technically anyone who wants to report in still has a couple of hours to do so, i'm officially marking the end of the challenge from my part. please excuse the terrible cell-phone quality of Agent Orange there - it's tired and trying to sleep.

today's ride was cut short by... you guessed it: more rain storms! i'd hoped to hit at least 50 kms, but i'll have to make do.

Total Distance: 46.376 km
Max Speed: 38.6 km/h
Avg Speed: 22.9 km/h
Total Time: 2:01:46
Calories Burned: 1520.0
Calories from Fat Burned: 186

i did get to see a few interesting things today. at one point i saw a crew trying to lift the frame for an in-ground pool with a crane over a person's house. i watched and secretly hoped to see it come crashing down, but in the 10 minutes i waited around they didn't get it more than a foot off the ground. also at three different points in my ride some local little kids tried their damnedest to race me on their little bmx bikes.

SO, now that it's all said and done, here's the grand totals for me for the week:

Total Distance: 165.82 km (103.04 miles)
Max Speed: 44.6 km/h (27.7 miles per hour) on wednesday
Avg Speed: 21.8 km/h (13.5 miles per hour)
Total Time: 7:35:37
Calories Burned: 5336
Calories from Fat Burned: 631.8

if i had driven that distance during the week (and i'm sure i would have) my car would have burned approximately 11 liters of gas (about 3 gallons) which would have cost me close to $15 and would have produced 26.4 kg (about 58.2 lbs) in carbon dioxide emissions. in return, i've been eating more (yay for eating!), sleeping better (yay for sleeping) and enjoying my commute. heck, even when that guy hit me with his car yesterday i enjoyed shouting at him. it felt good to just explode on the guy.

although i know that completely abandoning my car while living in the city is next to impossible, i think i'm going to try to keep this up a bit. this week i didn't use my car and either walked or biked to where i needed to go. i found that a 10 minute drive to the mall is actually only about a 15 minute walk - and there's no frustration in the parking garage. i realized that a 5 minute drive to the grocery store is a 10 minute walk. if i keep this up, i'll drop the office belly in no time.

anyone who took park should either post their result in the comments here, or on your own blog or website and i'll link back to you.

yesterday was.... interesting?

2008-07-26T13:35:00.005-04:00

in theory, i should have posted this yesterday but my internet connection's been down more times than a thai hooker.

... waits for laughter ...

... still waiting ...

so yesterday i decided to go to work early. anyone in corporate north america knows that this is a big mistake - one should NEVER go to work early.

about 5 minutes into my bike ride as i'm riding down what would normally is a very quiet street, something hit me.

"what, the fact that it's dumb to go to work early?"

no, a gold toyota camry - it hit me while i was on my bike.

it threw me off balance but i managed to not hit the ground. at this point, i became filled with rage.

i dropped my bike to the ground, turn around and start shouting at the driver of the car. "what in the FUCK do you think you're doing? you fucking IDIOT!"

i see an elderly asian man sitting in the driver seat trying to motion to me that everything was okay and he'd just drive around me like he attempted to before, but managed to hit me and my bike instead.

so i slam my fist down on the hood of his car and shout "get the FUCK out of your god damned CAR you stupid piece of SHIT!"

three security guards from the mall i was passing happened to see the whole thing and one of them knocks on the window and persuades the man to get out of his car.

i lose it again.

"you fucking saw me in front of you, you stupid asshole! what the fuck do you think you're doing?!?! i've never seen a more stupid piece of shit in my fucking life, how fucking dare you hit me with your fucking car"

this went on for several minutes. me shouting, swearing and lecturing this guy while he attempted to apologize in his broken english. most of his attempts to speak were quickly stopped by me saying "shut your fucking mouth and fucking listen to me"

at one point he even tried to say it was an accident. it's not like he couldn't see me - he was trying to pass me and cut in front of me. well, he was either doing that or trying to kill me. i'm hoping that he was just trying to cut me off though.

at one point in my shouting, swearing lecture one of the security guards said to me "sir, i don't think you need to be speaking to him like that."

"I CAN SPEAK TO HIM HOWEVER THE FUCK I WANT TO! HE HIT ME WITH HIS FUCKING CAR!" was my response.

once i calmed down, i looked myself over - no scrapes, cuts or bruises. check my bike - the chain fell off, but that was about it - a minor little scrape on one of the seat stays.

i looked over at his car - large orange scrape on his gold camry was the only battle scar on his side.

i decided that because i wasn't injured and my bike wasn't injured, there was probably very little to no point in calling the police as it would likely result in a 20+ minute wait only to find that the guy wouldn't be charged because there was no injury or real damage.

SO

here are my totals for the day eh:

Total Distance: 24.516 km
Max. Speed: 40.5 km/h
Avg. Speed: 22.1 km/h
Total Time: 1:06:37
Calories Burned: 806.0
Calories from Fat Burned: 95.4

i originally planned to do 30, but i saw the UPS truck that i knew i had missed earlier today. i ran over and talked to the driver - he still had my package.

huh-huh. i said package.

but, what he had for me was my new shoes:

pretty sweet eh? now when i go out for a run, i can do so without foot pain. New Balance 747 cross trainers. frickin awesome. i tried them out today. they kick some major ass.

when enough is enough

2008-07-24T21:00:00.002-04:00

someone needs to really express an important concern to both Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker:

Stop Making Movies.

because every time those to fuck-nuts get together they say "hey, let's make a shitty movie a guy whose english isn't great and a guy that talks funny!"

it's up to you to guess which is which.

on a lighter note, here's my totals for the day:

Total Distance: 25.650 km
Max. Speed: 42.2 km/h
Avg. Speed: 21.6 km/h
Total Time: 1:11:28
Calories Burned: 808.0
Calories Burned from Fat: 95.1

forgot me totals eh

2008-07-24T09:04:00.001-04:00

so if i had left for work 20 minutes earlier this morning, I would have arrived just as the rain started. instead i arrived just as the rain was ending, drenched. due to the lack of fenders on my bike, i had the good ol' mud-stripe up my back.

here's yesterday's totals:

Total Distance: 24.116 km
Max. Speed: 44.6 km/h
Avg. Speed: 22.1 km/h
Total Time: 1:05:31
Total Calories Burned: 770.6
Total Calories Burned from Fat: 92.7

I would have made it to 25 km except just before i was going to do my last trip around the block a bug flew in my eye. sorry, no pictures - i couldn't get one with the bug in focus. it was insane though, i could not get it out while on my bike. i had to go inside, see it in the mirror and wash it out in the sink. more gooder, all the time.

sometimes i wish my cycling computer thingy didn't tell me about the calories burned from fat. that total is rather pathetic when you compare it against the rest of the numbers.

new shoes and no hassle?

2008-07-23T13:48:00.001-04:00

i know eh! how in the hell did i manage to buy new shoes with no hassle? it's pretty awesome actually. my company has an employee program called "Work Perks" that gets me deals at a bunch of different places - one of which is New Balance.

i checked out their website and realized that they have an amazing return policy, coupled with a ridiculous variety of sizes. i found a pair of shoes that i didn't find to be too retarded looking and ordered away. best of all - no tax and free shipping so not only do i save the hassle of going to a shoe store or the mall only to be told "sorry dude, we don't carry 13 wide", but i also save some cash in the process. finally i can retire my nike bastards (and their similar in appearance vans counterparts).

also, my luck with rain this week is not getting better. we've got more thunder storms a-brewing right now and yes, i did in fact ride my bike into the office again. in theory, it will be shiny and clean by the time this week is over now that it's been rained on for 3 straight days. in reality, i'll have to take it in to get serviced because even if the rain washes off all the dirt it'll leave all the moving parts dry and potentially rusting (does aluminum rust? i hope not).

3 more meals, easily

2008-07-22T21:37:00.002-04:00

so, i made enough food so that i don't have to cook anything for the next 3 meals. and if i develop a taste for cold pasta then i don't even have to reheat it. yup. nothing like cold pasta with meat sauce.

currently there is lightning and rain outside. these are not terribly unusual things, but for some reason the chihuahua feels the need to run to the window every time it flashes and bark at it. maybe he thinks there's some crazy dude outside with a camera, and it's his flash. maybe he's protecting me from that.

of course, i'm not sure why anyone would want to take pictures of me right now. i haven't shaved in a couple of weeks, i'm not wearing any socks and i have a blister on my foot.

here's today's totals:

Total Distance: 21.239 km
Max Speed: 36.2 km/h
Avg. Speed: 20.9
Total Time: 1:00:59
Calories Burned: 656.6
Calories Burned from Fat: 76

a little bit less than yesterday, but it was raining today for a good portion of it, so that's my excuse.

day two! although there was no day one total, so it could be day one

2008-07-21T18:59:00.002-04:00

so what the hell is up with people ringing my doorbell? do they have no concept that i won't answer?

so today, here are my bike week totals:

Total Distance: 23.918 km
Max Speed: 38.1 km/h
Avg. Speed: 20.8 km/h
Total Time: 1:09:16
Calories Burned: 774.8
Calories from Fat Burned: 86.6

I should have gone around the block one more time to bring the total up to 25 km, but i wasn't paying attention.

now i shall watch movies and consume popcorn.

so many movies, so little time

2008-07-20T10:13:00.003-04:00

so what do YOU do when it's raining? i watch movies. although i *should* be riding my bike in the rain because i said i would.

Rob Zombie's Halloween - well, good and bad. i like the story told about why Michael Myers became a phsychopathic killer, and it WAS plenty violent, but there are two main problems with Rob Zombie movies: 1) unnecessary amounts of nudity and 2) Rob Zombie's wife can't act her way out of a wet paper bag. Seriously. if you removed those 2 elements from the movie you'd probably have a kick ass horror flick, but instead mediocrity abounds. like seriously, i wonder if she's ever noticed that the only movie's she's in are her husband's movies.

The Brothers Solomon - two brothers that were home-schooled and completely nuts try to fulfill their father's dying request to have a grand-child. directed by Bob Odenkirk, it's one of those "if you like this guy, you'll like this film" type films. i do like Bob Odenkirk and i did find this movie funny, but then again i also enjoyed Night at the Roxbury. if you're going to watch it, make sure you hold right on till the credits when they show some of the out-takes.

Idiocracy - let me just say that i think Mike Judge is brilliant. the creator of Beavis and Butthead and Office Space brings to us the story of what will eventually happen to human kind. an average army private is part of an experiment to see if people can be put into hibernation and is accidentally stuck in hibernation for 500 years. when he awakes, he's the smartest man on the planet. i'd highly recommend anyone and everyone watch this movie so that you can find out what exactly will happen to people in 500 years. it's just a shame that Mike Judge rarely gets studio or financial backing for his films.

Hot Fuzz - the guys that brought us Sean of the Dead bring to us the story of a police officer that has become too good at what he does. because he's making the rest of the London police department look bad, they ship him off to a small rural town that has the lowest crime rate in the country. things get crazy after he notices a bizarre series of "accidents". hella good. lots of ridiculous violence, ridiculous jokes and an amazing ending. very gooder.

Superbad - brought to us by Judd Apatow and Seth Rogen. it's a movie about nerdy high school kids trying to get booze and get girlfriends before they go off to college. i had to force myself to watch this one all the way through. it had it's funny moments, and certainly had some laugh-out-loud moments, but not really enough to keep me interested. i suppose maybe there wasn't enough fart jokes to go with the sex and drinking jokes, or maybe the sex and drinking jokes are just getting old. i know a lot of people will disagree with me, but this movie ranks pretty much as "meh" for me. if it were sunny out, i wouldn't have bothered watching the whole thing.

most of these movies (with the exception of Idiocracy) are on The Movie Network on Demand, so you won't have to pay for them if you live in canada. Idiocracy you will have to pay for, but that's okay because it's a brilliant film. i'm hoping the rest of the day will be filled either with sunshine or i'll be forced to bore the world with my opinion of more movies.

wherefor art thou ozone?

2008-07-19T11:22:00.003-04:00

although the weather network tells me that it's only 27 degrees out today, my cycling computer tells me that it's 34. thankfully i remembered to apply generous amounts of sunscreen before i left.

this morning's prep ride yielded the following results:

Total Distance: 12.6 km
Max Speed: 44.8 km/h
Avg. Speed: 23.4 km/h
Total Time: 32:32
Calories Burned: 410.9
Calories from Fat Burned: 51

because i've read in numerous places that you're supposed to refuel yourself after any workout, my refuel snack was 1 peach (approx. 40 calories), 1 glass of OJ (110 calories) and 1 small container of caramel yogurt (100 calories). i figure as long as i eat a little less than i burn, i can hopefully get rid of some of the office belly.

i may go out again later if it cools down a bit. it's still pretty retarded hot outside though.

why do i do this to myself?

2008-07-19T09:23:00.002-04:00

yesterday i thought "hey, i haven't been to my local bike shop* in a while. i should totally go check it out"

why do i keep doing this to myself? i have no idea. it's like going to a candy store and having no money. they had one of the bikes that i've drooled over in the past marked down to just $1100. when this bike was new i think it was in the area of $1500-$1700, but thanks to it being a previous-year model and the devalued american dollar, i get a gooder price.

even though right now i should NOT be spending a thousand dollars on anything but my credit card.

the sales guys, knowing that i'm a regular and buy all my goodies there, said to me that i could put it on layaway if i wanted to and pay off chunks at a time. i'll have to thinks aboot it i says. damn, would be nice though. tons of their other stuff was marked down too. i asked about why and they told me that when they originally priced stuff, they were going off the msrp, but because the dollar is so high they can knock it down some more. lucky me.

maybe if the weather gets to be less sticky, i'll head out for some test riding.

and don't forget to hop on your bike next week instead of drive. and tell me aboot it. i haven't determined what the prize will be for any of the categories. maybe the winner will be allowed to feed my frog his crickets. or maybe it'll be awesomer. we'll see.

* this is not the shop that i frequent while at work, but the shop where i actually buy stuff

slow like my brain

2008-07-17T11:14:00.001-04:00

it's not awesome when work is so dead that i struggle to find something to do. business seems to come and go in this new role. sometimes i can be busy for two or three days straight, but at times i've got nothing to do at all. the unfortunate thing is that the nature of my company's business keeps the majority of other people in the office tremendously busy all the time, leaving opportunities for intra-office meandering and chit chat to a minimum. i've even exhausted what i can look at in the local bike shop here. it's a pretty small shop and their in-store inventory is never that big so i've seen, picked up and messed around with pretty much all of what they have. the whole "you have to be here until 5" thing sucks too.

i suppose i have to keep positive about it, obviously it could be worse. i could be stuck at the "you have to be here until 5" job and still have to commute for an hour and a half after that. at least at this place i'm close enough to either ride my bike or drive for less than 15 mins to get home.

actually, if i ride my bike i can get here in 18 minutes. i'm not quite sure how it works that in my car it takes me 15 but on the bike is 18. i think it may have to do with the pace that i ride - it must cause me to miss out on most of the stop lights. next week i intend to ride my bike exclusively - rain or shine - thereby reducing my carbon footprint to almost nothing.

well, maybe not. i keep the a/c in my house cranked pretty high. riding my bike will probably just balance that out. barely.

no iPhone for me

2008-07-14T09:30:00.000-04:00

i'm glad i didn't stand in line for hours, or days, or months even.

or even a few minutes.

i just got off the phone with Fido, my cell phone provider, because i wanted to buy an iPhone. unfortunately because i renewed my contract last year i am NOT eligible for renewal at this point, so i'll have to wait until 2009 if i want one. fuckin fuckers.

on a brighter note, there are at least two people in my office singing brutally butchered versions of songs that i enjoy from their original artists.

in the meantime, make sure you join me in my challenge. Hänni's taking part, and if she's taking part then everyone else should too. i'm giving up on my car for the week and doing everything by bicycle that week. i figure it'll save me about $30-$40 in gas based on the cost at the pump this morning.

parking fail

2008-07-13T17:40:00.001-04:00

the other day i got to witness an epic parking fail:

the grand challenge

2008-07-09T10:07:00.001-04:00

this summer i feel like i haven't been spending enough time riding my bike - so i'm challenging the cyclists out there who actually read this.

i haven't decided if there will be a prize associated with it. if there is a prize, it will be something simple and likely be based largely on bragging rights. i'm officially declaring July 20-26 to be Blogger Bike Week (and yes, i intentionally picked something that would have the abbreviation of BBW). the only thing you'll need to take part is you, your bike and your bike computer thingy (you know, the one that tells you how far you've gone and how fast you're going).

prize categories include:

most kilometers travelled (or for any american, miles converted into km's) for the duration of the week
highest max speed
highest average speed
longest individual trip

anyone who wants to take part, send me an email to welfarebum @ gmail.com with Blogger Bike Week in the subject. feel free to spread the word around to anyone you may think who wants to take part. this is a largely "for fun" thing. send pics, details about you and your ride, etc. everyone who joins up will be featured here in a sort of mini-bio. maybe i'll involve some sort of charity component too - or that can be part of the prizes or something. if there's enough interest, i'll create a web page where you can log in and keep track of your daily stats.

who's in?

it wasn't me

2008-07-03T13:55:00.000-04:00

someone in my office just sneezed and it sounded like a fart.

i hope it was a sneeze.

day's never finished

2008-07-02T14:45:00.002-04:00

so sometimes when you work, it's busy as hell. and sometimes when you work, it's boring as hell. this is one of those boring times.

many internal people are on holidays, being the first week of july. unfortunately, many clients are on holidays too. this results in my no-holiday-having-ass sitting around waiting impatiently for the next request to come in.

so now i sit and wait. i surf the internet even though i'm not supposed to, and i think i've read every issue of Bicycling magazine that i have. arg. people keep telling me that "it'll be so busy you won't be able to manage it all," but i have yet to see that come through. it's kind of a double-edged sword - is it better to sit boredly around and be thankful i'm not busy or is it better to be so busy it at least justifies my being at work.

i wish someone would pay me to ride my bike. i have a hell of a lot of training before that can happen though.

someone needs to change the oil in my car

2008-06-19T22:27:00.002-04:00

how is it that with only one job i can still manage to be busy all the time?

the cool thing is that my new job is ridiculously close to home, the crappy thing is that i'm expected to stay until 5. every day. how bad does that suck. after eight years of making my own rules and hours, i work for a company that has strict policies about hours and shit. they even say that we're not supposed to use the internet or messenger at work (although i did just install GoogleTalk - fuck'em).

another crappy thing about starting a new job is that i can't take any vacation time until i finish my "probationary period". how lame is that? i mean seriously, if you're going to go to the extent of paying someone to do what i do, i think you should trust them with vacation time. pricks. i technically don't even get sick days until i've been there for at least 90 days. ah well, guess that's a standard for changing jobs.

i think i'll have a butter tart.

hey, the Ride for Heart was like a week ago eh?

2008-06-06T09:11:00.001-04:00

so yeah, ride for heart. sorry, i've been pretty busy and since the new job is pretty restricted as far as internet access goes i haven't had time to post aboot this.

to start things off, i am seriously out of shape. the furthest ride i've done so far this year is about 20 km, so needless to say this was gonna be something.

sunday june 1st was the ride for heart, and as everyone knows, i signed up for the 75 km (about 46 miles) ride. i started near the front of the pack, which i'm sure was irritating to the hardcore bike dorks, at 6:45am. it was a windy 13 degrees (55 degrees for americans).

as i headed out, i thought to myself "hey, i'm keeping up a decent pace - i'm about 10 km/h ahead of my regular speed".

that was for the first 5 km.

as the back headed off the gardiner expressway on the way up the don valley parkway, the wind got started up again, and we all proceeded to ride the uphill route from the lakeshore to york mills into the wind.

coming back down the DVP was nice, as i managed to register a new high speed of 55.6 km/h on my bike computer thingy. of course, it was a steep downhill and i was pedaling as hard as i could, but hey, still neat-o in my opinion. the slowest speed i registered? 8.8 km/h coming back up the bayview/bloor on-ramp.

after i passed the 65 km point my arse was seriously hurting and my legs were seriously tired. then the winds started back up. from the moment i got back on the gardiner expressway all the way to the finish line the winds were nasty, making the last 10 or so km very tiring.

when i crossed the finish line, i checked out my bike computer thingy for some stats:

total distance: 81 km

max speed: 55.6 km/h

avg speed: 19.8 km/h

total time: 4:05:36

calories burned: 2599

last time i checked, 81 was quite a bit more than 75. at least by my terms. and really, i should have just done the 50. but i did finish and was happy that i managed to keep my average speed near 20 km/h. i'm pretty sure that the big downhill helped with that though.

walking around the exhibition grounds, i could feel my muscles start to tighten and get sore. i must have smelled great.

i did a quick once-around the grounds on the search for Martini, but gave up when i realized that i was hunting through thousands of people and my legs hurt from being out of practise. next year dude, we'll co-ordinate better and have a beer afterwards.

so, what's this new job like eh?

2008-05-27T19:06:00.002-04:00

i don't think my system has fully adjusted to the fact that i only have one job now, i still find myself planning things out around my "spare time" so that i get everything done when i'm not working.

the good news aboot the new job: first, it's only one job. second, it's close enough to home to ride my bike to work (although it is only a 15 minute bike ride).

crappy news aboot the new job: no messenger at work - msn and googletalk are now off the list. also, internet use is highly discouraged. AND, they expect me to be there for the entirety of the business day regardless of how busy i am. for some reason, they have this "we pay you to be here, so be here" philosophy. who does that? that's so 2004.

coming up on sunday is the Ride for Heart. i've noticed that with the exception of Hänni my internet sponsorship has been way low. get sponsoring eh! i promise i'll post pictures of my seriously out of shape arse sweating out 75 km on my bike. it'll be awrsome. normally i would have been able to train a bit more, but with the two job thing and now the new job thing, i haven't had the time for any distance training. so far the furthest i've gone in a single shot this season is about 20 km. sunday's ride will be that nearly 4 times over.

what?!? you haven't sponsored me for the ride for heart yet? well then click below and make sure you do that already...

Visit my sponsorship page to see my progress!!

best wrong-number call ever.

2008-05-13T13:25:00.002-04:00

me: "hello!"
woman who called me: "hello?"
me: "who is this?"
woman: "is this Joe?"
me: "no, there's no joe at this number"
woman: "is Joe there?"
me: "no, there's no Joe - you've got a wrong number"
woman: "oh, is this a lawyer's office?"
me: "no, this is my cell phone"
woman: "is this a lawyer's cell phone?"
me: "no, this is a software developer's cell phone"
woman: "ugh. asshole"

then she hung up. how was i the asshole in that conversation?

what?!? you haven't sponsored me for the ride for heart yet? well then click below and make sure you do that already...

Visit my sponsorship page to see my progress!!

four shalt thou NOT count

2008-05-13T09:43:00.002-04:00

four days. that's it.

i've been training my replacement at job number one for the last while, and although i'm not quite convinced he's 100% ready, he'll have to do. i am far too excited about the fact that my trip to work will no longer be ridiculous like it was this morning.

it took me more than 90 minutes to get gas and drive the 45 km from door to frickin door. I've also estimated that based on the current price of gas that it's going to cost me between $44 and $50 this week to get to and from job number one. when taking multiple transit systems becomes more cost effective than driving to work, you know you've got a problem.

but that problem will be short lived. only a couple more days to go. i'm looking forward to being able to ride my bike to work on a regular basis. i've literally put less than 100 km on my bike since the start of the warm weather because of the commute and 2 job thing and am going to need to get some major riding in to be able to finish the 75 km in the Ride for Heart on June 1st (Martini - you should totally switch and do the 75 km instead of the 50 - all the cool kids are doing it. and by all i mean me).

what?!? you haven't sponsored me for the ride for heart yet? well then click below and make sure you do that already...

Visit my sponsorship page to see my progress!!

should you choose to sleep late

2008-05-03T12:39:00.002-04:00

should you choose to sleep late and you have dogs, this could happen to you...

this is all that remains of the thirty dollars that was in my pocket yesterday. i'm not sure how the dogs managed to pick my pocket, perhaps it fell out of my pocket while i was sitting on the couch last night, but there it is - my thirty dollars.

i suppose i could follow them around with a plastic baggy for the rest of the day to wait for the rest of it, but that would be kind of gross. maybe i'll have to just accept my losses and learn from this - never trust a dog with your money.

what?!? you haven't sponsored me for the ride for heart yet? well then click below and make sure you do that already...

Visit my sponsorship page to see my progress!!

cactumus

2008-05-02T21:04:00.002-04:00

what?!? you haven't sponsored me for the ride for heart yet? well then click below and make sure you do that already...

Visit my sponsorship page to see my progress!!

a busy couple of weeks ahead

2008-05-02T10:51:00.002-04:00

but really, does it matter if the next two weeks are busy if i only have 2 more weeks with 2 jobs?

the answer is no. i wish i could start my new job now, then it wouldn't have taken me an hour to get to work this morning. no, i could have ridden my bike for 15 minutes to get there and stopped for a coffee at the Tim Horton's across the street.

Iron Man is now out in theatres, and although I wasn't happy with the stance that he took in the comic books when it came to the Civil War, someone had to be the bad guy.

what?!? you haven't sponsored me for the ride for heart yet? well then click below and make sure you do that already...

Visit my sponsorship page to see my progress!!

they made me an offer i couldn't refuse

2008-05-01T12:01:00.003-04:00

the official announcement is now: i have officially handed in my notice of resignation to both of my current employers. why? because i have found a new job. and not just any new job, but a new job that is less than 6 km away from my home.

no more two hour commutes. no more assholes in german automobiles cutting me off on the highway. no more 16 hour days.

now, the only way my commute will last more than an hour is if i walk there. slowly.

i start on tuesday after the May long weekend, but i wish it could be sooner. i do feel a little bad that i couldn't give more notice, but honestly once you start dragging that out, then you start questioning what you're doing, then you end up screwing yourself out of a super awesome job that's only minutes from your home.

rocking switch has officially be set to the ON position.

what?!? you haven't sponsored me for the ride for heart yet? well then click below and make sure you do that already...

Visit my sponsorship page to see my progress!!

the magic number is seventeen

2008-04-29T11:50:00.002-04:00

although i still can't say what's magic about the number 17 today, but if things go as i expect them to today, the magic number will become 16 tomorrow and i'll be able to give the reason why.

but then again, if anyone already knew my opinion of the office (where i work, not the TV show), i think that the answer is probably quite clear.

here's another hint: i handed in my resignation at job number 2 last night. pretty soon 70 hour work weeks will be left to those who actually want to work them and not to me. i'll have time to play my guitar and ride my bike and write things here other than just photos of my bamboo. having a full weekend off has become such a novelty for me. i miss the days when i could have two consecutive days off without having to plan it for at least 4 weeks.

what?!? you haven't sponsored me for the ride for heart yet? well then click below and make sure you do that already...

Visit my sponsorship page to see my progress!!

Generally you don't see that kind of behavior in a major appliance

2008-04-28T14:37:00.002-04:00

the secret happenings i mentioned before are all going as planned. wish me luck.

i also mentioned before that i was becoming a big fan of the Epiphone Prophecy line of guitars, but i'm starting to think now that i'm liking the Ibanez Jet King a little bit more. it kind of has that pawn-shop guitar look to it, but still has a good sound. it's also less expensive than the epiphone, but still made largely from the same materials. oh decisions decisions. i suppose i don't have to jump on that too quickly. i still have my 2 other guitars to choose from so i don't really need to fuss too much about it.

oh yeah, and don't forget to sponsor me for the Ride for Heart by clicking below if you already haven't. charity is totally awesome, and you'll be awesomer for sponsoring me eh.

what?!? you haven't sponsored me for the ride for heart yet? well then click below and make sure you do that already...

Visit my sponsorship page to see my progress!!

strange things are afoot at the Circle-K

2008-04-24T11:01:00.003-04:00

although i have taken my bamboo picture this week, for some reason my phone does not seem to want to send me that picture. dumb phone. one of these days i'll have to get in the habit of actually bringing a proper camera to do my photo.

that being said, a change of daytime scenery may be in the works. i'm going to wait to divulge this secret completely for fear of jinxing it, but the odds are in favour that my commute may not be as long in the very near future.

the other day i made a totally awesome score at the goodwill shop. i think someone's mother went through their comic book collection and dumped it off at the goodwill, so i managed a few pretty decent scores at only 50 cents a piece. some milestone issues of Punisher, Punisher War Journal, Wolverine and Captain America to name a few. obviously, none of it's been graded but they're all in pretty damn good condition. they will be eBay'ed as soon as i get my scanner hooked up.

what?!? you haven't sponsored me for the ride for heart yet? well then click below and make sure you do that already...

Visit my sponsorship page to see my progress!!

had it up to HERE with Bell Canada

2008-04-18T10:43:00.002-04:00

so how long ago was it that i moved, like 5 months ago? i've been noticing for the last while that i haven't been getting any phone bills. that's typical for the first month or two after a move, but much longer than that and you know you've got a problem. luckily for me, i proactively pay the same amount every month just to make sure because this isn't the first time i've had problems with one of the Bell group of companies.

so i check online, log into their website and notice that even though they moved my service, they were still sending my bills to my old address.

"what the fuck?!?" i says to myself out loud, although hopefully not loud enough for the rest of the office to hear.

so i call them up, remind them that when they moved my service they should have bloody well moved my billing address and that i'm sick and tired of them screwing things up for me. i was also good enough to mention to them about how they messed up my internet service when i moved AND how they fucked me around with my cell phone service a couple of years ago.

with an angry customer on the line, one who has continuously been disappointed in the service but has remained loyal to the company - i would have thought they'd offer me some sort of discount or free option.

no

i get the upsell treatment: "Can I interest you in this package that offers two more calling services?"

"No," i replies, "i'm sure you can tell from the usage on my account that i very rarely even bother using my home phone. the only reason i have it is for reliable 911 service and i don't want you to screw THAT up too."

up yours Bell Canada. turn up the good, turn down the suck.

what?!? you haven't sponsored me for the ride for heart yet? well then click below and make sure you do that already...

Visit my sponsorship page to see my progress!!

technically i suppose it's thirty weeks now

2008-04-17T09:48:00.005-04:00

but even if it's 30 weeks, i've still only posted 29 times

sometimes when i overhear my boss at job number 1 talking on the phone, it makes me want to hit him in the head with it. he's a completely non-technical person trying to explain a technical thing that he has no real understanding of.

grammar is something i apparently have no understanding of.

i think i REALLY want this - the Epiphone SG Prophecy EX. yeah, i know, it's not a Gibson technically, but it might just as well be. especially since Gibson doesn't offer the SG in that style, and even if they did it would cost like $3500, and i'm not a good enough guitar player to spend that kind of money on a musical instrument.

i also really like this bike - the Devinci Tosca SL 2, but i've promised myself that i'm not going to let myself buy a bike unless i put at least another 2000 km on mine. in theory, that shouldn't be too difficult - i'd like to be at a pace where i'm putting between 150-250 km a week on my bike this summer because it's my goal to lose the office belly that seems to have accompanied this especially cold winter. that and it's just real fun and all.

also, if I raise just $25 more in sponsorship money for the Ride for Heart, i'll be eligible for a draw for a sony home theater system. that would certainly be nice because the home theater system i have right now doesn't work sometimes. it takes about 20-30 clicks of the button to get the power to go on, and when it does go on the DVD player slows down sometimes so everyone starts talking funny. and not haha funny, but funny like the opposite of the chipmunks.

another effort for me to raise money for this - from now until the ride, if you buy a t-shirt hell shirt through my link here, i'll take my referral money and put it into sponsorship dollars.

i know, some of it is a little too offensive to be caught wearing, but there are some decent ones too:

what?!? you haven't sponsored me for the ride for heart yet? well then click below and make sure you do that already...

Visit my sponsorship page to see my progress!!

does anyone out there collect hockey cards?

2008-04-14T15:05:00.004-04:00

hockey or baseball for that matter, but mostly hockey and mostly from the 80's and early 90's. what i've realized over the last couple of years is that i have a pile of debt that i need to pay off, and although the having 2 jobs thing does help with the bills, it hasn't exactly alleviated all of the burden of my debt.

what i aim to do is start selling my hockey and baseball card collection. i do have lots of valuable collector's items, but probably not anything in excess of a couple hundred dollars each. most of the stuff is in mint or near-mint condition and although i'm not going to go to the extent of having them professionally graded i will provide high-resolution scans so that you can see the true condition of what you'd be buying.

i tried pitching this to the blogging world once before, but nobody seemed to catch on at the time. spread the word to sports collectors all around. please.

what?!? you haven't sponsored me for the ride for heart yet? well then click below and make sure you do that already...

Visit my sponsorship page to see my progress!!

sometimes wednesday just sneaks up on you eh?

2008-04-09T10:31:00.003-04:00

yup. that's my bamboo plant alright.

at job one my company has recently invested in some new tools for me to do my reporting duties because i create awesome reports about stuff. the only problem is that although this product makes neat charts and graphs and stuff, you unfortunately have to make a decision of whether you want it to look good on the web or look good on paper. apparently you can't have both which is bloody inconvenient.

and you know what else is inconvenient? people that drive BMW's. if i had a nickel for every time some jackass in a BMW tried to take off my front bumper with his "superior" car... well, i'd have a lot of nickels - so many that i'd have to roll them up and take them to the bank to exchange them for dollars and shit. sometimes i wish i could mount a snow plow or some push bars on the front of my toyota and just drive through those fuckers. then i'd say "geez, that german engineering doesn't hold up so well with a snow plow shoved up its ass."

what?!? you haven't sponsored me for the ride for heart yet? well then click below and make sure you do that already...

Visit my sponsorship page to see my progress!!

just add water and watch it grow

2008-04-02T11:22:00.002-04:00

six months and one week eh?

speaking of things that have been going on for months, have a looksie here:

this roll of lifesavers has been on my desk since i started. i even mentioned it before. it's definitely still there though in all of it's five-coloured glory. i suppose though that it makes sense that it's still there because i haven't thrown it out. i'm not quite sure why though - i don't have any intention of eating it. maybe i should add it to a time capsule or something like that. there aren't enough time capsules out there. seriously, weren't people from like 50 or 100 years ago obsessed with them? i think i should be finding these things all the time, uncovering the mysteries of 1958 with astonishing regularity. i think even the pope made a decree some time ago that some time ago. i'm pretty sure his statements had something to do with it being every human's duty to bury a time capsule at least once per year, and preferrably twice (once for a 50 year opening, once for a 100 year opening).

but then again, it's not like i've been burying time capsules all over the place, and i suppose i haven't been digging up my back yard looking for them either. those are probably things that should happen if i wanted to find one eh?

it's the famous beethoven's famous ninth symphony fucker

2008-04-01T13:56:00.003-04:00

so there are about 3 new employees in my company now. that may not seem like a whole lot, but considering there's less than 50 people to start with, it's actually a fairly big increase in headcount.

and with the increase of new software developers comes the increase in irritating cell phone rings. now, i seem to remember that when i started a new job, it was generally a courtesy you followed to avoid having your cell phone ringer on. heck, i've been here for 2 years and i still leave mine off during the day. the new guys don't seem to have assimilated that information as the cell-phone-tone versions of Ode to Joy or the horrifically annoying and overdone "hello moto" song start to blare at volumes loud enough to drown out even the loudest Ministry songs.

maybe i just need to find a new obnoxious ring for my cell phone.

from one charity to another

2008-03-27T13:41:00.002-04:00

after some evaluation, i've decided that it's pretty unlikely that i'm going to be able to reach the $2500 goal for the ride to conquer cancer that I was thinking aboot earlier, so i've decided to focus my efforts on the Becel Ride for Heart.

On June 1st I'm going to be taking part in the Becel Ride for Heart. Is there a certain amount of irony in a charity for the Heart and Stroke Foundation being sponsored by a margarine producing company? I think so.

Anyhoo, I'll be doing the 75 km ride which goes from the Exhibition grounds up to York Mills road on the DVP and back. For anyone considering taking part, there are 3 different rides - a 25 km, a 50 km and a 75 km ride, all along the Gardiner Expressway and the DVP.

For anyone who doesn't want to or can't take part, feel free to sponsor me and pass around my sponsorship link to anyone you know:

https://secure.heartandstroke.ca/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=265808&lis=1&supId=208742731

I'll be the guy on the orange bike somewhere near the back of the group, trying hard to keep up.

bamboo wednesday! six months later!

2008-03-26T10:40:00.003-04:00

so here we are at the six month point. 26 weeks since the original bamboo wednesday post - still alive and green:

just look at the progress we've got there eh? got to be a good 4-5 cm of growth

i have an important meeting today and am beginning to think that wearing old reliable - the red shirt edition and blue jeans was probably not a wise choice. in my own defense, i didn't know i was going to be having a meeting of any sort today. well i don't look completely like a slob, i just don't look Frank Sinatra fabulous.

but then again, who does?

coming soon to a photo booth near you

2008-03-25T14:29:00.002-04:00

although i didn't have time to watch more movies last night having two jobs and all, i did manage to find time to develop one of my rolls of film.

film you say? yes, that plasticy stuff that came in tubes that you used to be able to put in cameras that resulted in photographs being printed on paper.

well, i just did the negatives last night, and i don't actually have the equipment to print actual photos and shit yet. i do have to get my scanner hooked up so i can at least see the results. i think i left it in the developer liquid a bit too long.

i'm hoping to get a chance to do one more roll tonight, then scan the whole lot of them to see what turned out. in the meantime, i'm going to drink some tea.

a weekend of movies ... and the godfather

2008-03-24T09:29:00.002-04:00

i think i forgot to post this last week eh?

i spent SO much time watching movies this weekend, it was borderline ridiculous. some were films i've seen many times, some i've never seen at all, and one that i should have seen but just never got around to until this weekend.

first off was Fido, a reasonably new film out of Canada eh starring Carrie-Anne Moss and Billy Connolly as the main zombie in the film. yes, it is a zombie movie, but it's rather intentionally funny rather than unintentionally funny as most zombie flicks are. having to deal with zombies as a regular part of life, humans have found a way to domesticate zombies and an unpopular boy makes his pet zombie Fido his best friend. hilarity ensues. worth renting.

then came South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut. i know, who hasn't seen this movie a thousand times already. heck, i think i even saw it twice in the theater. that all doesn't mean you can't watch it again. and again. it's worth it all for the uncle fucker song.

next on the list was Guy X. i think that my expectations were set way too high for this one after having seen The Jacket, but i was kind of disappointed here. a soldier is mistakenly sent to a base in Greenland rather than hawaii and is baffled about the seemingly pointless nature of the base. he eventually finds out more than he should about the base and starts getting himself into trouble. the premise around this movie kept giving me hope that something more drastic was going to happen at some point, but it eventually just fizzled down into an overly mediocre ending. it's on Movie Network on Demand if you want to watch it, but i don't think i'd bother paying for it.

then the mafia movies...

Goodfellas seemed like a good choice after being thoroughly disappointed by the previous movie. i've seen it tons of times, but certainly don't mind watching it again. Robert DeNiro, Joe Pesci and Ray Liotta all give some of their finest performances in this mafia flick. lots of swears, lots of killing and a brilliant story written by Nicholas Pileggi based on the true story of mobster Henry Hill. Joe Pesci won the Oscar for best supporting actor and it was nominated for 5 others. absolutely brilliant.

and speaking of brilliant, how come it took me 30 years to get around to watching The Godfather. my only complaint is that it's 3 hours long. and i'm not complaining because 3 hours is too much, rather that it's hard to get that much consecutive time to watch it - and believe me when you start watching it, you don't want to stop half way through. go pee and get your snacks first and you'll see why it's ranked #1 on IMDB's top 250.

i'm going to try to watch The Godfather Part II tonight. i need to know the rest of the story now. Part III shall follow later this week and perhaps i'll finish things up watching Casino (another Pileggi penned book-t0-film).

an opportunity to be a conqueror

2008-03-17T11:58:00.003-04:00

i'm considering taking part in the Ride to Conquer Cancer. it's a 200 km bike ride split across two days from downtown Toronto to Niagara Falls. the sponsorship requirements are a little high - you need to raise $2500 to take part - but i think i have enough time to do it if i hit up people at both jobs.

my question to the bicycle riding internet: is there anyone out there who would be willing to join me if i were to create a team? i don't plan on riding overly fast. in fact, i'm just out of shape enough that i will probably be towards the end of the pack. what i'm looking for essentially is to get a couple of days on my bike and to raise money for a good cause.

if you or somone you know is interested in raising a ton of money and riding your (or their) bike for two days, let me know either via comment or email me at untastic@gmail.com.

the basics of the ride: 100 km each day, the first night will be spent camping in Hamilton. there are pit stops every 25-30 kms with snacks and drinks. when you reach Niagara Falls, if you don't have someone to pick you up, you have the option of taking the train back - more info here. there's an option for the faster riders (which i am not) to do an extra 50 km after the first day's riding with Canadian professional cyclist Steve Bauer.

so like i said, let me know if you want to join a team with me. should be loads of fun eh.

not so good with the wednesday! part of bamboo eh?

2008-03-14T10:28:00.003-04:00

i've really been enjoying listening to the heavy metal versions of 80's pop music tracks made by bands like Korn, Disturbed and Powerman 5000. is that a bad thing?

i mean, they still rock hard, but they have that familiar sound that reminds us that as much as we try to put it behind us, the 80s still happened.

Korn did a version of Cameo's Word Up, which was coincidentally also re-done by one of the former Spice Girls at or around the same time. i can't remember which version came first, but i know which one i like better.

Disturbed tends to release one of these tracks on pretty much all of their albums. Their Down with the Sickness album featured Shout 2000, a cover of the Tears for Fears hit from the 80s and their album 10,000 Fists featured Land of Confusion, an old Genesis track i remember being regularly played at McDonald's back when i worked there.

Powerman 5000's version of Let the Good Times Roll, a Cars classic i remember being in frequent rotation as a kid stays quite true to the original, but adds a harder edge that i'm sure the song would have had if it were made 15 years later.

If anyone else knows of good metal versions of 80s tracks, leave a note in the comments so's i can hunt them down.

i should have a nail GUN

2008-03-07T20:38:00.002-05:00

i know i've mentioned it before, but it's worth saying again.

clipping your nails at work is not appropriate.

especially when you're at your desk and there's a half dozen other people within ear-shot. personally, i'm of the belief that it should be done in the bathroom behind a closed door. i think it's the sound that bothers me most. it just makes my skin crawl.

and also, someone should come by my desk with some orange juice already. i mean seriously.

That's what they say, 500 up on the ladder

2008-03-07T13:21:00.003-05:00

today marks the 500th post on this here place by myself, is it appropriate that it's two days after bamboo wednesday! should have been and i'm only just posting my photo now?

we're almost at the 6 month mark on this expedition of trying to find out why office people kill bamboo so frequently. i still haven't been able to figure it out, though i'm sure i will some day.

today my boss sent an email out saying that he was going to be taking a mini spring break with his kids out of the country, so he's not going to be around until wednesday next week. within seconds of people in my office reading this email you could hear the cheers and comments of "hey, does that mean WE can take a march break too?"

i think we should. well, two of these next few days are days off anyways because it's a holiday. maybe i can get away with the "making an appearance" style of coming to the office for monday and tuesday. i've already gotten a head start today i suppose since i didn't actually get into the office until nearly 1 o'clock. if i leave at 5, that would make today a 4 hr work day. frickin sweet. just like back in high school when i only had a part time job, except i get paid a lot more to do this and don't have any calculus homework to do afterwards. the sucky thing is that i have to go to job number two tonight and work there until 11 o'clock, so really, i suppose i'm going to actually be pulling a full work day after all.

bamboo wednesday! part 22! not very good at the wednesday thing!

2008-02-28T15:12:00.002-05:00

so i took the photo yesterday, but somehow forgot to post it eh?

i bought new headphones today. originally i was gonna buy skullcandy headphones, but the guy at the futureshop convinced me that buying the sony ear-goggles would be better for the music i listen to. he also saved me $15, which is good. now i can spend that $15 dollars on things like ice cream and cereal.

or maybe cereal mixed with ice cream - like maybe some Count Chocula stirred into butterscotch ripple. mmmmm...

he can't talk because he's a pony

2008-02-26T11:49:00.002-05:00

last night i went on a thrift shop adventure with Cindy from Studioloo when we came across a peculiar situation:

a half dozen fallen paper-maché ponies lying on the ground, twitching and cold. one pony stood out amongst the others. obviously it's strength was greater than his fallen brothers, so i would estimate that he was the pony commander.

paper-maché ponies are known to be fiercely territorial, especially when it comes to their fallen brethren. i cowered in the distance, camera phone in hand and watched as Cindy cautiously approached and tamed the ravenous beast. her courageous actions almost certainly saved the rest of us frightened thrift shoppers from a frightening and bloody massacre at the hand of the paper-maché pony.

you can never trust ponies.

i'm not on holiday now, but i should be

2008-02-23T17:17:00.003-05:00

i should always have holidays. and fresh baked cookies.

well i have the cookies, but the holiday is over. the first batch of pictures can be found here. there's not a whole lot there yet, just the digital stuff i decided i liked - let me know what you think eh? i have two rolls of black and white film that i'm going to develop myself. yeah, i know. real actual film. in high school i did a project where i developed black and white film on my own, but that was many moons ago and i need to remember how to do it. i also need to buy the chemicals and stuff. a friend of mine at job #1 has offered to lend a hand where needed - he does that kind of stuff semi-professionally.

i discovered that i've got a half dozen or so rolls of colour film that have been used but not developed yet. unfortunately, i don't think i can develop colour film at home on my own. i've been told that it's very temperature sensitive and the chemicals are a real bastard to get right, so i'll have to bite the bullet and take them out to get processed.

bamboo wednesday! part 21! and a Pontiac Grand Prix review!

2008-02-20T10:15:00.003-05:00

although i do have a picture from what should have been last week's bamboo wednesday post, i uploaded it to my laptop rather than my work PC, which is where it's waiting right now.

i've been on holidays for the better part of the last week. thanks to Dalton McGuinty, many ontario residents got to have a holiday on monday, so i extended that holiday all the way to wednesday the week before. why not eh?

i rented a car to go on a road trip this past weekend, and inspired by Martini's review of his Acura CSX loaner, here's my review of the Pontiac Grand Prix that i rented.

to start off, the car was much larger than anything i've driven in recent years. and although a larger car does not necessarily make a more comfortable car, it certainly seemed to help in the case of the Grand Prix.

it took me a few minutes to figure out how to adjust the seat settings. the driver's seat is all automatic and mechanical, a luxury that i am most definitely not used to. other interesting luxury features were the inclusion of steering wheel mounted audio controls, cruise control, headlights that would automatically turn on based on how light or dark it is outside and a stereo whose volume automatically adjusts based on how fast the car is driving.

and fast i drove. the 200 hp 3.8 liter v6 engine made for some quick and responsive acceleration. hopping from 110 km/h to 150 km/h to pass old ladies on the highway was no problem at all.

although the volume and sound quality from the 6 speaker CD stereo were quite admirable, i was disappointed by the fact that an MP3 CD player or auxiliary audio jack (for my iPod) were not included).

fuel consumption was mediocre at best though. although i didn't track the exact amount of mileage, i would estimate that i drove in the area of about 750 km and spent $67 in gas at $1.05 per liter, a guestimate of about 11-12 liters per 100 km. with a Toyota Yaris as my regular car, i think i'm a little spoiled since even on the worst of days it barely breaks past 7.5 liters per 100 km (with the air conditioner running). from what i've been told, my gas consumption compared to other similarly sized cars is on par.

my main complaint other than the stereo was that actually entering the car seemed a little cramped. once you were sitting in the car, there was ample space, but it seemed that actually getting into the car could present an issue to someone with back or knee problems. all in all, it was a fun car to drive, give one a try.

more details to follow on what actually happened on my holiday later.

the rhino was hungry

2008-02-10T22:23:00.001-05:00

here's another one from the found roll

old film

2008-02-10T09:32:00.000-05:00

i found and developed some old rolls of film...

bamboo wednesday! part 19! and damned canadian weather!

2008-02-07T11:23:00.001-05:00

okay, so technically it isn't wednesday. the weather was terrible yesterday so i opted to stay at home instead...

and if you read Studioloo Magazine, you'd know that this technically isn't bamboo either, but a reasonable facsimile. oh well, i'm going to keep calling it bamboo because i feel like it.

also, what's with all the retarded traffic on the day AFTER a snow storm? i mean seriously, it should not have taken me nearly two hours to get to work this morning. it snowed YESTERDAY. today is sunny. crapheads.

and also, the new Iron Man movie is coming this spring (some time in may i think). Marvel has released some new trailers that look awesome-tastic.

burnination

2008-02-05T09:35:00.000-05:00

in the last three days i've managed to burninate myself more times than a person should inside of a three day span.

first i burnt the roof of my mouth very badly on pizza. lesson learned: wait more than 30 seconds to eat pizza after taking it out of the oven. something sitting in an oven at 450 degrees for 22 minutes is likely to be hot.

next i managed to burn my middle finger. when you notice that stuff is clogging the drain in your dishwasher and it's only just finished it's heated drying cycle, it's best to wait until after it's all cooled down before you start clearing out the drain. that one made a neat sizzling noise.

twice in one day

2008-02-01T23:32:00.000-05:00

how is it fair that i had to shovel the snow in my driveway twice today? well, i suppose it's better to have to shovel snow twice than to actually drive into the office. i didn't even bother trying to get to work today, i just decided first thing to stay and "work from home".

my boss HATES when people work from home.

and the great thing is that at least 4 other people decided to do the same thing. one can only hope that their productivity was as amazing as mine.

i was so productive, i shoveled twice!

oh yeah, i already said that.

i also sent a bunch of emails, and watched some Spongebob Squarepants.

bamboo wednesday! part 18! and trouble a-brewing!

2008-01-30T09:59:00.000-05:00

i promise that one day i will return to posting things other than just pictures of my bamboo plant.

t'other day i came across this sign at an A & W:

now, i KNOW that it's just because that's the exit side of the drive through, but it seems kind of funny to me that how this particular place is laid out that if you intend to park your car in the parking lot, you'll pass this sign on your way into the restaurant.

and that's kind of a shame, because i loves me a tall frosty glass of root beer. mmmmm....