black like my soul

to the lady working at the tim horton's this morning with the bee hive and too much make up:

 

when i tell you i would like a large black coffee, that is not a secret code for large double-double.  there wasn't any implied meaning, hidden agenda or ingenious puzzle for you to solve - just a coffee with nothing in it except for coffee.

 

to the idiot who hid my wallet on the floor of my apartment (me):

 

you knew that by leaving the wallet there that the cats would see it as a toy, play with it and leave it somewhere retarded - what possessed you to leave it there?  do you know you could have gotten a $100 ticket for driving to work without it yesterday?  and how did you not notice that it wasn't in your pocket when you left yesterday?