force fed broken cheerios

i tend to agree with the russian clown that says you can't force a cat to do anything.  but i have noticed that you can convince a cat to be lazy.  it actually doesn't take much convincing.

 

i haven't managed to train my cats to do much.  they certainly aren't circus performers.  what have they been trained to do?  i'm glad that you asked....

• both cats have been trained to stand by the dishwasher and wait for me to open a can of wet food
• the orange cat has been trained to know that when i'm finished scooping the litter, that's his chance to run out into the hallway of my apartment building while i take the garbage out
• the white cat has trained herself to know when the toilet seat has been left in the upright position, thereby leaving the opportunity for a drink and a swim WIDE OPEN
• the white cat has also trained herself to climb up my pantleg and back and up onto my shoulders
• the orange cat can play fetch.  but only with a plastic spring.  but sometimes he forgets where he is and starts meowing out of confusion.  i'm pretty sure he's retarded.

this week, for some reason, i just can't seem to get enough cookies.  i've been trying to eat more healthy foods but DAMN.  need cookies.  need to dunk cookies in my coffee and tea.  just dump a stack of them on my desk.  and whoever came up with the idea that more fibre and protein in your diet gets rid of your snack cravings - retarded.  it doesn't work.  the cookies keep calling.  i want to answer their call.  "yes cookies.  i understand you and will consume of your kind for that is what the gods intended and set forth in their 10 commandments."