there's a huge crack in the middle of uranus

i keep my crack in my pants.  this man does not.

my company decided in very recent times that they were going to buy everyone company golf shirts.  i realize that this is probably a regular type of thing in most corporate environments, but i come from a company that charged (quite a bit actually) money for anything bearing their logo.  i seem to remember one dipshit... err... person paying $35 for one of their dumb-ass shirts.

the really cool thing about the shirts from the new company though - they are silky soft.  some bizarre synthetic material comprized of Tactel Nylon and Scotchguard .

that's right, Scotchguard.  the same thing that allows you to clean up kids' puke and pet pee off of your couch and carpets now saves my shirt from embarrassing coffee, vomit and urine stains!

not that i have problems with those.

what i mean is i don't have a problem that creates those types of stains.  i do have problems with those stains themselves.

and i don't mean that i can't get them out of my clothes.  because i can.

well, i could if i wanted to, but i don't want to.

listen, i don't pee and barf on my clothes.  who needs scotchguard anyways.