welfare bum

Successfully missing the point since 1977.

Friday, August 25, 2006

it was a mattress, you know


today, as with most days, i got into my car for the hour + drive to work.  as i was making my way down highway 427 i noticed something odd, rectangular and blue in the middle of the road.

a mattress.

being that mattresses can't keep up with the speed limit, i quickly changed lanes.  seriously, who drives a mattress to work?  sure it would be good on gas, but extraordinarily slow and inefficient.  i mean seriously, it has no wheels.

i'm guessing that despite the thousands of other drivers that flock down the 427 onto the Gardiner Expressway that i must be the only one with eyes and common sense so i decided to call the radio station to let them know so that the other people listening to traffic and weather on the 1's would be able to share in the joy that is a mattress on the highway.

i made the toll-free call to *680, was connected to a real person within moments and gladly reported that there was a blue mattress in the center of the 427 express lanes approaching the gardiner.

after hanging up, i quickly tuned into the radio station, noticing that it was now 6:41 am and waited patiently to hear what they had to say...

... 401 westbound sucks... 400 southbound sucks donkey ... northbound DVP blows goats for quarters ... then "and we've JUST gotten reports from a Traffic-Spotter that there's a mattress in the middle of the 427 express lanes approaching the Gardiner"

i'm SO important.  numerous people could be attempting to sleep soundly on that mattress, only to learn that it was in a highway.  the noise would have kept them up forever.

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