something stinks and it's not me

i woke up this morning with a start. a single bark echoed through the apartment at a near ear-piercing volume, emanating from from a four pound dog sitting on my pillow.

promptly, i informed this dog that he should perhaps lower the tone of his voice. after all, it was five o'clock in the morning and the neighbours are trying to sleep.

"SHUT YOUR CAKE HOLE, DOG!" were the exact words to come from my mouth as i turned over and tried to focus my attention back on my primary goal. this was, of course, sleeping.

as i made my effort to drift out of consciousness again, i couldn't help but notice an odd fragrance. "what in the hell IS that smell?" i muttered to myself. try as i might, i couldn't shake whatever it was - the smell wasn't going away any time soon.

i turned on the light to reveal that there, lying on the pillow, was the dog's chew treat - one of those stinky-ass Greenies. good for the dog, but stinky as hell. for some reason senior popp-o-matic loves putting his chew toys in bed where they'll either end up getting stuck to my face or jab into my back. he's probably just trying to share so that i can experience the same joy he does when he's sitting there stinking up his mouth with one of those things so i have to remember that he's not trying to be bad - his english skills are just lacking.