and now for something completely different...

first of all, anyone with a weak stomach should go read my post aboot left-handed snails.

i have a large orange fluffy cat. he's not fat or anything, just a giant cat. rather stupid too. he often finds him self lost in the hallway of my two bedroom condo. it's a pretty good sized condo, but certainly not large enough to lose oneself.

but getting lost isn't the only mentally challenged thing that happens to my orange cat. for some utterly bizarre reason whenever he uses the litterbox to go for a poop he comes running out more hyper than you could possibly imagine. it's almost as if the turds he's let build up for the day have been pressing down not only on his bowels, but also on the hyper-activity-release mechanism which my lie somewhere between his stomach and his inner ass.

the only warnings you'll get for these onsets of hyper activity disorder are the digging noise of in the litter box, two quick meows and the sound of a 20 pound cat leaping from the litter box into the curtains in the solarium.

"TRUCK!!!" i'll shout (i'm sure the neighbours can attest to that), "GET OUT OF THE GOD DAMN CURTAINS!!"

and he does - but the hyper activity doesn't end there. next on the list is the attempt to scratch the couch (about which i am already aware and can now prevent) - then the wicker basket full of my winter stuff.

"GOD DAMNIT TRUCK WILL YOU PISS OFF!!" is generally among the next string of obscenities that will stream from my mouth, which is then followed by the sound of orange fluff leaping off to attempt more ... more badder things. doubleplusungood i believe George Orwell would have said. it's almost as though pooing is the same for cats as too much caffeine is for humans. wait, not caffeiene - but cocaine.

thankfully he will usually find his spring at this point and will chase it off into the hallway, find himself lost and start to cry.

"MEOW. MEOW. MEOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW" is the sound of a lost idiot cat in a mississauga condominium.

"truck. come here" is my follow up. at this point the disturbance in the force is now over. the bowels of the orange fluffy one have been evacuated and the dark side has removed itself from his being. he is calm now, and begins to understand that something happened - but he's not sure what.

and he won't be sure until the next time he craps.

and it all begins again.