welfare bum

Successfully missing the point since 1977.

Friday, March 24, 2006

i think nuts are left handed - especially cashews


according to a recent study, scientists have recently made the uncanny discovery that left-handed snails actually have an advantage over right handed snails when defending themselves against predators.

there are two concerns about this statement which i feel should be addressed. first and foremost is that i'm a little concerned that there are people (more than one) wasting their time to try to figure out wether or not right handed snails suck more than left handed snails. my second concern is much more simple: snails do not have hands. people have hands, monkeys have hands, some people may even claim that those cats with all the extra toes have hands (polydactyl i think?).

maybe they mean left-leaning shell vs. right-leaning shell.

i'm sure, however, that once that small issue is cleared up that this study will actually show some relevance in our world when it comes to feeding starving people, solving global warming, or helping George W. Bush find nuclear nukular weapons in Iraq. or maybe the pope's been watching too many horror movies again. sometimes when he gets on one of his horror movie marathons, he starts coming up with these crazy ideas to try to prevent disaster - you know, the kind of disaster that can occur when one of these left-handed snails gets a little too close to a nuclear nukular reactor, grows to ridiculous proportions and starts consuming small cities and towns with it's slimy foot of terror.

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