welfare bum

Successfully missing the point since 1977.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

can i get a hell yeah for the long weekend

it's such a pleasant though to remember when you're half way to work
that this weekend is a long weekend - i.e. no work tomorrow.

whoever invented the long weekend was brilliant. i bet that dude's
also responsible for inventing beer, nachos and probably even ice

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

something something, burt ward...

today i saw a woman wearing a t-shirt that said "Baby in Car"

she was in the grocery store.

is there a ring of debris around uranus?

i'm not entirely sure if this article can be taken seriously, but can you imagine earth with rings? that would be so lame. martians would be like "man, your planet's filthy - it looks just like saturn or uranus". we'd be the laughing stock of the galaxy.

bathtub ring around yo' planet

Sunday, June 26, 2005

drink coffee from where his brains are supposed to be

http://cgi.ebay.ca/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=6542463194 - darth maul needs you to buy him and drink coffee from his skull. Posted by Hello

i'm pretty sure that this is what's really going on in space. Posted by Hello

guess i'll get going if going's what i need to get

even though i told myself i wouldn't, i watched the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and shamefully admit that i rather enjoyed the movie.

but come to think of it, i enjoyed Hellboy too. apparantly they're making a hellboy 2. i don't know that i'll be watching that one though. i know i watched all of the Batman sequels, but i think i learned my lesson from that - something aboot chris o'donnell playing a superhero just isn't right.

i'm hunting down new employment. if anyone knows of anything that pays decently in the tech industry (revolving around the windows/SQL Server type stuff in the Mississauga or Belleveille areas) let me know.

heck, doesn't even need to be in the tech industry, it's just that's what i know right now. if you want to hire me and pay me a good salary to do laundry or wash cars, i can do that too.

well, just because i said i can't do laundry, doesn't mean i necessarily do my own laundry. that would be too easy, and not at all profitable.

Friday, June 24, 2005

more green than the jolly green giant

so yesterday i goes out to lunch and i has chicken parmesan. very good. montanas is a pretty decent place to eat even though the waitresses were kind of dopey. i pay for my lunch, head back out to the car with the ladies and drop them off at work. i head home afterwards, knowing of course that yesterday was a glorious work from home day. three or four hours later as i go to pick up my lady from work, i looks into the rear view mirror and notice a green chunk of food about the size of my entire front tooth stuck to the front tooth in question.


Thursday, June 23, 2005

there needs to be a sure fire way to win the lottery. there's no good reason why i should have to work a 40 hour work week, that's SO lame. maybe there should be some sort of exception for me... like because i'm so awesome that i should get a card that says "no work required" and has a big smiley face on it. Posted by Hello

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

they might be assholes

Something Awful does a pretty good job of putting this band and their fans in their place.

the ongoing retard vs. klutz debate

i can't tell wether i'm retarded or just a klutz...

-i go to make a cup of tea, and the tap sticks causing hot water to
spill onto my hand, which causes me to yank my hand back, which causes
me to spill hot tea on my hand

-i grab a sugar packet, rip of the top and proceed to drop the packet of
sugar into my tea (packet and all). i fish it out and throw it in the

-since the aforementioned sugar packet was still full of sugar (and my
tea wasn't), i grab another packet of sugar, rip off the top and pour
the sugar out... on the counter around my cup of tea

-once the cup of tea was made, i back away from the counter - walking
into some random helpdesk dude and spill his cup of water.

i rule

serious dork shit

how is it that on the one day the weather is nice on my drive to work
that the traffic has to suck donkey? two lanes blocked by one dumbass
accident. and the really crappy part was the road crews got it
cleaned up just before i managed to get to the location, so i didn't
even get to see any dead bodies or anything.

sitting on my desk is a bag of Milk Sand Buscuits made by a company that pretty much only makes toys it seems
to me. i wonder if they're made of plastic? maybe if you mix milk
and sand together and spin it fast enough, plastic will come out.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

work is balls

about six months ago my boss implemented this new time tracking system
at work which is absolute garbage. it's this retarded web form
timesheet system that looks like it was designed by someone who just
learned how to use the internet for the first time. needless to say,
i perpetually "forget" to do my timesheets and as a result get the
occasional email from the VP saying "don't forget to do your timesheet
from the period ending three weeks ago..."

it's a nice sunny day with very little smog showing itself. i wonder
if i take my computer outside if i can work out there. i don't need
any electricity to make it work, just will-power, and i have LOTS of
that (which is demonstrated by the bag of cookies and two boxes of
cereal on my desk).

Monday, June 20, 2005

i have computer "5x1llz" (skills)

it cracks me up that this page exists - and on microsoft's site to boot. i don't know what's lamer (more lame?) - the fact that people do, or at one time, talked to each other online like this or the fact that microsoft put together a "home security" type guide for parents to figure it out.


gin may be the cure

on my second consecutive work from home day, i've spent a good portion of the morning listening to the reverend horton heat. rockabilly at its finest i tells ya.

slightly off topic, i need to find some quality downloads for shadowy men on a shadowy planet. i've been watching a lot of kids in the hall lately and it's reminded me that i never bought any shadowy music when it was readily available, though i should have.


i need to find an alternative to driving everywhere. like i think that i should be able to have a personal driver take me to the airport where my own private jet will take me to work or across the province to visit my parents. maybe i just need a more comfortable car. does anyone feel like donating a cadillac to me?

this is the monkey who hides in my attic. he's pretty crafty. Posted by Hello

Friday, June 17, 2005

home is where the car is

today i am working from home. working on work, working on not working. the great thing about the work from home day is that noone can see your pyjamas.

another great thing is being able to drink tea out of my travel mug, but not have to travel with my travel mug. the lack of rush hour traffic makes the day go by SO much better. i lurves me some not at work time, even if i do have to work. i'm pushing to somehow get myself at least 3 or 4 out of 5 work from home days a week. if i could do that i would be able to move the hell out of the city and live some place that was, oh i don't know, pleasant. commuting sucks asscock.
Posted by Hello

Thursday, June 16, 2005


it's really hard to tune your guitar when you're tone def.

yes, i have no tuning abilities, but a wicked awesome (kick ass) guitar. i can play music, just can't tune it. it's funny - i can tell that it's out of tune, but can't do anything about it without my tuner which just happens to be buried in a box full of stuff somewheres.

yeah, i'll have a beer with that

corporate lunches are the best, especially ones where you get to have
a beer with them and you don't have to pay.


it seems to me that no matter what time of day it is, what day of the
week it is, or whatever that when it rains a little bit EVERYONE needs
to drive slooooower.

oh, and dumber.

it's like there's a handful of people who just say to themselves "I
wonder just what it would be like to drive into that concrete meridian
in the middle of the highway - i wonder if i can make my bumper fall
off and cause an accident for someone else..."

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

email.... zmail

hey, i just realized i can post to this using email. that rocks my roll.

i have oreo peanut butter cookies on my desk and decided that it would
be a good idea to dunk them in my coffee and eat them. then i
realized the coffee tastes horrible. it was a better idea to just eat
the cookies and not dunk them.

i tried.

this is only a test

i drove to work like an asshole today. i'm sure many a middle finger was pointed skyward intended to make me learn the important lesson of "stop being such an asshole". that usually doesn't work, because i found that if you drive like you don't care, then people will eventually get out of your way. the city is a retarded place to drive anyways. if it wasn't for the fact that i live somewheres in the area of 40 miles away, i would just walk. unfortunately, walking 40 miles is inconvenient when you have to be in the office at nine in the morning.

i spilled coffee on my cd player this morning. now it's sticky and hard to open. i'll probably have to spill windex on it to try to balance things oot.