welfare bum

Successfully missing the point since 1977.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

why is it that i have to work for my money?

i've decided today that i'm going to work really hard to find a way to make money and not have to work for it. i know that makes about as much sense as banana pudding, but i need to figure it out. the lottery isn't cutting it for me - in fact i'd say that i'm losing money on that venture. i've tried various money-making schemes with this site here, but with a lack of interesting information being posted here on any sort of consistent basis, the traffic isn't actually generating any revenue (though i have managed a few free shirts from Threadless).

so the idea that i can do absolutely nothing for my money seems to be failing, which i guess means that i have to either come up with a really good money making scheme, or work really hard for a short period of time so that i'll have a good amount of money saved for when i decide to stop working.

wait, isn't that how retirement strategies work?

except i don't want to wait that long. i considered drawing cartoons about monkeys and robots, but it seems that James Kochalka Superstar already beat me to that idea, and i certainly can't figure out why anyone would want to use the interent for something else other than monkeys and robots.


Wednesday, May 23, 2007

No, I tried that. Why? 42. Doesn't work.

today has been one of those kinds of days where the pursuit of information seems entirely futile. you know, you ask someone a yes or now question, and somehow the answer ends up being "that's what i thought".

many questions have been asked today, only to be met by numerous irrelevant answers.

Q: Which of these two clients needs the changes?
A: The report is for Bob (who happens to work for both clients).

Q: Would the client prefer option A or option B?
A: The client is very pleased with the option you provided.

another frustrating and similar situation has to do with our fussy client that wanted a customized report. then they decided that the custom report didn't suit their needs and they wanted it to be like the original report. now that they've been presented with the modified original, they want it to be completely customized again and managed to send me an extraordinarily rude email to let me know that. if it weren't for the whole possibility of getting fired, my next response was going to be somewhere between "fuck off" and "fuck off and die bastards".

"fuck off and die" seems to be the happy medium between those two.


Friday, May 11, 2007

sometimes i go crazy, sometimes i get crazy

okay, a 90 minute drive to work when you leave at seven in the morning is NOT COOL. don't let anyone try to persuade you otherwise. there is absolutely nothing awesome about sitting in your car behind a lineup of ten thousand other people waiting for some dipshit to clear a smashed car off of the road because some other arsewipe was too stupid to pay attention while changing lanes.

even the site of commuters picking their noses and inspecting their green for gold loses its funny after an hour or so.

and all of this to get to an office where i will continue to sit on my ass for another 8 hours or so. i'm beginning to find the office world tremendously uncool.

i think i'm going to spend the weekend avoiding my car at all costs.


Sunday, May 06, 2007


does it mean there's something wrong with me that i enjoy this band's music as well as the videos?

a couple of their tracks even made it onto my latest mixed cd. i highly recommend you get down to the closest record shop you know of that features upbeat german metal and hook yourself up.


the point when working two jobs begins to blow

i'm stuck in the office today. couped up behind cubicle walls. the only natural light i can see is a fraction of an inch of the window that's not blocked by ... more cubicle walls.

today i'd much rather be riding my bike or taking the captain out to the dog park.

but i'm lucky to a certain extent because i can at least eat peanut butter sandwiches and play pokemon while i work.


Saturday, May 05, 2007

damn it feels good to be a gangsta

sometimes this is what i do at job number two. sit there with my feet up on the desk for ten or fifteen minutes at a time. in general, the job is pretty much ridiculously easy and i get paid to ... answer the phone and do nothing. the only sucky thing is that when the phone's not ringing, i'm stuck to my desk at this one counting the checkers on my shoes.

and in general the most exciting conversation that comes up in job number two - besides complaining about the goofballs that call us - is the "when are you working next" conversations. as insanely dull as these questions tend to be on a regular basis, it's a good thing they come up. without their obsessive schedule-checking routines there are quite a few occasions when i wouldn't show up for work. it was only after one of these intense topics of debate last night that i realized that i'm not on the schedule for today, but sunday instead. who knew?

they did apparently.
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Thursday, May 03, 2007

i saw the sign, and it opened up my eyes

today i made a startling discovery: if you clean out your car regularly, it will be easier to find lost items inside of it.

a couple of days ago i lost my house keys, and have had to have some loaned to me by a kind-hearted soul. i did a quick check in the car and on my desk at home - no luck. i figured if they weren't in those two places, the only other place they could be would be on my desk at work.

today i discovered that fact to be untrue. i was completely puzzled. stumped as it were. "where the hell could they be?" i wondered quietly to myself so as to not alert my coworkers to my paranoid schizophrenia.

back to the car i trekked, this time for a more thorough search. under the seats, beyond the gum wrappers and behind the scarf - there they were mixed among the grains of rice.

i can now go home.


Tuesday, May 01, 2007

the great shoe hunt part two

so who'd a thunk that the shoe hunt would have ended as quickly as it did? I'd have to say that it's been many years since i've been able to decide within two days to buy a pair of shoes. has it even ever happened? or was the last time something similar to that occurred when my ma bought shoes for me last.

i managed to score a pair of Nike shoes and a pair of Vans. both are skate-board style shoes and oddly both are size 13's. i was certain that i was going to need 14's this time around, but i lucked out.

on a somewhat less awesome note, my Motorola V3 RAZR phone battery seems to be sucking donkey more and more every day. I charged the battery first thing monday morning, and between monday morning and yesterday afternoon had logged exactly 1 minute and 1 second of call time, requiring me to charge it yesterday afternoon. i noticed this morning that after 9 more minutes of call time between yesterday's charge and noticed the battery is currently at 2/3 capacity. this is pretty much the deciding factor in that i will never again buy another Motorola product. now i'm pretty much trying to decide if i'm going to get a different phone directly from Fido or if i should just get an unlocked phone from Ebay. the Nokia 5300 seems pretty cool.

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