welfare bum

Successfully missing the point since 1977.

Monday, July 28, 2008


SO, this weekend i learned a valuable lesson:  don't over-do it with new shoes on.
i've learned this lesson before actually.  every time i buy a new pair of shoes i learn this lesson.  i'm sure we all do.  you would think that with the amount of times we've all had blisters on our heels and ankles that there would be some sort of click that goes on in our brains that says "whoah nelly, walking for several hours in new shoes is a stupid idea"
but no.
so this fine and sunny monday morning i sit here with blisters on my heels from new shoes.  the crazy thing is that the rest of my feet are fine.  the new shoes are extremely comfortable otherwise.
totally off topic though...
in the corporate world, does it really count as being properly dressed for the office if you're wearing a white dress shirt with a Corona Beer t-shirt under it?  does that mean that i can get away with wearing my running shoes to the office?  because i did (wear running shoes - not the beer t-shirt.  i've never owned and will never own one of those).
also, i never bring enough fruit to work.  in my efforts to reduce the number of crappy foods i eat (which is in an effort to get rid of the ol' office belly) i try to eat as much fruit as possible at work but never seem to bring enough.  and damn that fruit for having such a high water content.


Saturday, July 26, 2008

the end of the Blogger Bike Week challenge

although technically anyone who wants to report in still has a couple of hours to do so, i'm officially marking the end of the challenge from my part. please excuse the terrible cell-phone quality of Agent Orange there - it's tired and trying to sleep.

today's ride was cut short by... you guessed it: more rain storms! i'd hoped to hit at least 50 kms, but i'll have to make do.
  • Total Distance: 46.376 km
  • Max Speed: 38.6 km/h
  • Avg Speed: 22.9 km/h
  • Total Time: 2:01:46
  • Calories Burned: 1520.0
  • Calories from Fat Burned: 186
i did get to see a few interesting things today. at one point i saw a crew trying to lift the frame for an in-ground pool with a crane over a person's house. i watched and secretly hoped to see it come crashing down, but in the 10 minutes i waited around they didn't get it more than a foot off the ground. also at three different points in my ride some local little kids tried their damnedest to race me on their little bmx bikes.

SO, now that it's all said and done, here's the grand totals for me for the week:
  • Total Distance: 165.82 km (103.04 miles)
  • Max Speed: 44.6 km/h (27.7 miles per hour) on wednesday
  • Avg Speed: 21.8 km/h (13.5 miles per hour)
  • Total Time: 7:35:37
  • Calories Burned: 5336
  • Calories from Fat Burned: 631.8
if i had driven that distance during the week (and i'm sure i would have) my car would have burned approximately 11 liters of gas (about 3 gallons) which would have cost me close to $15 and would have produced 26.4 kg (about 58.2 lbs) in carbon dioxide emissions. in return, i've been eating more (yay for eating!), sleeping better (yay for sleeping) and enjoying my commute. heck, even when that guy hit me with his car yesterday i enjoyed shouting at him. it felt good to just explode on the guy.

although i know that completely abandoning my car while living in the city is next to impossible, i think i'm going to try to keep this up a bit. this week i didn't use my car and either walked or biked to where i needed to go. i found that a 10 minute drive to the mall is actually only about a 15 minute walk - and there's no frustration in the parking garage. i realized that a 5 minute drive to the grocery store is a 10 minute walk. if i keep this up, i'll drop the office belly in no time.

anyone who took park should either post their result in the comments here, or on your own blog or website and i'll link back to you.

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yesterday was.... interesting?

in theory, i should have posted this yesterday but my internet connection's been down more times than a thai hooker.

... waits for laughter ...

... still waiting ...

so yesterday i decided to go to work early. anyone in corporate north america knows that this is a big mistake - one should NEVER go to work early.

about 5 minutes into my bike ride as i'm riding down what would normally is a very quiet street, something hit me.

"what, the fact that it's dumb to go to work early?"

no, a gold toyota camry - it hit me while i was on my bike.

it threw me off balance but i managed to not hit the ground. at this point, i became filled with rage.

i dropped my bike to the ground, turn around and start shouting at the driver of the car. "what in the FUCK do you think you're doing? you fucking IDIOT!"

i see an elderly asian man sitting in the driver seat trying to motion to me that everything was okay and he'd just drive around me like he attempted to before, but managed to hit me and my bike instead.

so i slam my fist down on the hood of his car and shout "get the FUCK out of your god damned CAR you stupid piece of SHIT!"

three security guards from the mall i was passing happened to see the whole thing and one of them knocks on the window and persuades the man to get out of his car.

i lose it again.

"you fucking saw me in front of you, you stupid asshole! what the fuck do you think you're doing?!?! i've never seen a more stupid piece of shit in my fucking life, how fucking dare you hit me with your fucking car"

this went on for several minutes. me shouting, swearing and lecturing this guy while he attempted to apologize in his broken english. most of his attempts to speak were quickly stopped by me saying "shut your fucking mouth and fucking listen to me"

at one point he even tried to say it was an accident. it's not like he couldn't see me - he was trying to pass me and cut in front of me. well, he was either doing that or trying to kill me. i'm hoping that he was just trying to cut me off though.

at one point in my shouting, swearing lecture one of the security guards said to me "sir, i don't think you need to be speaking to him like that."


once i calmed down, i looked myself over - no scrapes, cuts or bruises. check my bike - the chain fell off, but that was about it - a minor little scrape on one of the seat stays.

i looked over at his car - large orange scrape on his gold camry was the only battle scar on his side.

i decided that because i wasn't injured and my bike wasn't injured, there was probably very little to no point in calling the police as it would likely result in a 20+ minute wait only to find that the guy wouldn't be charged because there was no injury or real damage.


here are my totals for the day eh:
  • Total Distance: 24.516 km
  • Max. Speed: 40.5 km/h
  • Avg. Speed: 22.1 km/h
  • Total Time: 1:06:37
  • Calories Burned: 806.0
  • Calories from Fat Burned: 95.4
i originally planned to do 30, but i saw the UPS truck that i knew i had missed earlier today. i ran over and talked to the driver - he still had my package.

huh-huh. i said package.

but, what he had for me was my new shoes:

pretty sweet eh? now when i go out for a run, i can do so without foot pain. New Balance 747 cross trainers. frickin awesome. i tried them out today. they kick some major ass.

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Thursday, July 24, 2008

when enough is enough

someone needs to really express an important concern to both Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker:

Stop Making Movies.

because every time those to fuck-nuts get together they say "hey, let's make a shitty movie a guy whose english isn't great and a guy that talks funny!"

it's up to you to guess which is which.

on a lighter note, here's my totals for the day:
  • Total Distance: 25.650 km
  • Max. Speed: 42.2 km/h
  • Avg. Speed: 21.6 km/h
  • Total Time: 1:11:28
  • Calories Burned: 808.0
  • Calories Burned from Fat: 95.1

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forgot me totals eh

so if i had left for work 20 minutes earlier this morning, I would have arrived just as the rain started.  instead i arrived just as the rain was ending, drenched.  due to the lack of fenders on my bike, i had the good ol' mud-stripe up my back.
here's yesterday's totals:
  • Total Distance:  24.116 km
  • Max. Speed:  44.6 km/h
  • Avg. Speed:  22.1 km/h
  • Total Time:  1:05:31
  • Total Calories Burned:  770.6
  • Total Calories Burned from Fat:  92.7
I would have made it to 25 km except just before i was going to do my last trip around the block a bug flew in my eye.  sorry, no pictures - i couldn't get one with the bug in focus.  it was insane though, i could not get it out while on my bike.  i had to go inside, see it in the mirror and wash it out in the sink.  more gooder, all the time.
sometimes i wish my cycling computer thingy didn't tell me about the calories burned from fat.  that total is rather pathetic when you compare it against the rest of the numbers.

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Wednesday, July 23, 2008

new shoes and no hassle?

i know eh!  how in the hell did i manage to buy new shoes with no hassle?  it's pretty awesome actually.  my company has an employee program called "Work Perks" that gets me deals at a bunch of different places - one of which is New Balance
i checked out their website and realized that they have an amazing return policy, coupled with a ridiculous variety of sizes.  i found a pair of shoes that i didn't find to be too retarded looking and ordered away.  best of all - no tax and free shipping so not only do i save the hassle of going to a shoe store or the mall only to be told "sorry dude, we don't carry 13 wide", but i also save some cash in the process.  finally i can retire my nike bastards (and their similar in appearance vans counterparts).
also, my luck with rain this week is not getting better.  we've got more thunder storms a-brewing right now and yes, i did in fact ride my bike into the office again.  in theory, it will be shiny and clean by the time this week is over now that it's been rained on for 3 straight days.  in reality, i'll have to take it in to get serviced because even if the rain washes off all the dirt it'll leave all the moving parts dry and potentially rusting (does aluminum rust?  i hope not).

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Tuesday, July 22, 2008

3 more meals, easily

so, i made enough food so that i don't have to cook anything for the next 3 meals. and if i develop a taste for cold pasta then i don't even have to reheat it. yup. nothing like cold pasta with meat sauce.

currently there is lightning and rain outside. these are not terribly unusual things, but for some reason the chihuahua feels the need to run to the window every time it flashes and bark at it. maybe he thinks there's some crazy dude outside with a camera, and it's his flash. maybe he's protecting me from that.

of course, i'm not sure why anyone would want to take pictures of me right now. i haven't shaved in a couple of weeks, i'm not wearing any socks and i have a blister on my foot.

here's today's totals:
  • Total Distance: 21.239 km
  • Max Speed: 36.2 km/h
  • Avg. Speed: 20.9
  • Total Time: 1:00:59
  • Calories Burned: 656.6
  • Calories Burned from Fat: 76
a little bit less than yesterday, but it was raining today for a good portion of it, so that's my excuse.

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Monday, July 21, 2008

day two! although there was no day one total, so it could be day one

so what the hell is up with people ringing my doorbell? do they have no concept that i won't answer?

so today, here are my bike week totals:
  • Total Distance: 23.918 km
  • Max Speed: 38.1 km/h
  • Avg. Speed: 20.8 km/h
  • Total Time: 1:09:16
  • Calories Burned: 774.8
  • Calories from Fat Burned: 86.6
I should have gone around the block one more time to bring the total up to 25 km, but i wasn't paying attention.

now i shall watch movies and consume popcorn.

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Sunday, July 20, 2008

so many movies, so little time

so what do YOU do when it's raining? i watch movies. although i *should* be riding my bike in the rain because i said i would.

Rob Zombie's Halloween - well, good and bad. i like the story told about why Michael Myers became a phsychopathic killer, and it WAS plenty violent, but there are two main problems with Rob Zombie movies: 1) unnecessary amounts of nudity and 2) Rob Zombie's wife can't act her way out of a wet paper bag. Seriously. if you removed those 2 elements from the movie you'd probably have a kick ass horror flick, but instead mediocrity abounds. like seriously, i wonder if she's ever noticed that the only movie's she's in are her husband's movies.

The Brothers Solomon - two brothers that were home-schooled and completely nuts try to fulfill their father's dying request to have a grand-child. directed by Bob Odenkirk, it's one of those "if you like this guy, you'll like this film" type films. i do like Bob Odenkirk and i did find this movie funny, but then again i also enjoyed Night at the Roxbury. if you're going to watch it, make sure you hold right on till the credits when they show some of the out-takes.

Idiocracy - let me just say that i think Mike Judge is brilliant. the creator of Beavis and Butthead and Office Space brings to us the story of what will eventually happen to human kind. an average army private is part of an experiment to see if people can be put into hibernation and is accidentally stuck in hibernation for 500 years. when he awakes, he's the smartest man on the planet. i'd highly recommend anyone and everyone watch this movie so that you can find out what exactly will happen to people in 500 years. it's just a shame that Mike Judge rarely gets studio or financial backing for his films.

Hot Fuzz - the guys that brought us Sean of the Dead bring to us the story of a police officer that has become too good at what he does. because he's making the rest of the London police department look bad, they ship him off to a small rural town that has the lowest crime rate in the country. things get crazy after he notices a bizarre series of "accidents". hella good. lots of ridiculous violence, ridiculous jokes and an amazing ending. very gooder.

Superbad - brought to us by Judd Apatow and Seth Rogen. it's a movie about nerdy high school kids trying to get booze and get girlfriends before they go off to college. i had to force myself to watch this one all the way through. it had it's funny moments, and certainly had some laugh-out-loud moments, but not really enough to keep me interested. i suppose maybe there wasn't enough fart jokes to go with the sex and drinking jokes, or maybe the sex and drinking jokes are just getting old. i know a lot of people will disagree with me, but this movie ranks pretty much as "meh" for me. if it were sunny out, i wouldn't have bothered watching the whole thing.

most of these movies (with the exception of Idiocracy) are on The Movie Network on Demand, so you won't have to pay for them if you live in canada. Idiocracy you will have to pay for, but that's okay because it's a brilliant film. i'm hoping the rest of the day will be filled either with sunshine or i'll be forced to bore the world with my opinion of more movies.


Saturday, July 19, 2008

wherefor art thou ozone?

although the weather network tells me that it's only 27 degrees out today, my cycling computer tells me that it's 34. thankfully i remembered to apply generous amounts of sunscreen before i left.

this morning's prep ride yielded the following results:
  • Total Distance: 12.6 km
  • Max Speed: 44.8 km/h
  • Avg. Speed: 23.4 km/h
  • Total Time: 32:32
  • Calories Burned: 410.9
  • Calories from Fat Burned: 51
because i've read in numerous places that you're supposed to refuel yourself after any workout, my refuel snack was 1 peach (approx. 40 calories), 1 glass of OJ (110 calories) and 1 small container of caramel yogurt (100 calories). i figure as long as i eat a little less than i burn, i can hopefully get rid of some of the office belly.

i may go out again later if it cools down a bit. it's still pretty retarded hot outside though.

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why do i do this to myself?

yesterday i thought "hey, i haven't been to my local bike shop* in a while. i should totally go check it out"

why do i keep doing this to myself? i have no idea. it's like going to a candy store and having no money. they had one of the bikes that i've drooled over in the past marked down to just $1100. when this bike was new i think it was in the area of $1500-$1700, but thanks to it being a previous-year model and the devalued american dollar, i get a gooder price.

even though right now i should NOT be spending a thousand dollars on anything but my credit card.

the sales guys, knowing that i'm a regular and buy all my goodies there, said to me that i could put it on layaway if i wanted to and pay off chunks at a time. i'll have to thinks aboot it i says. damn, would be nice though. tons of their other stuff was marked down too. i asked about why and they told me that when they originally priced stuff, they were going off the msrp, but because the dollar is so high they can knock it down some more. lucky me.

maybe if the weather gets to be less sticky, i'll head out for some test riding.

and don't forget to hop on your bike next week instead of drive. and tell me aboot it. i haven't determined what the prize will be for any of the categories. maybe the winner will be allowed to feed my frog his crickets. or maybe it'll be awesomer. we'll see.

* this is not the shop that i frequent while at work, but the shop where i actually buy stuff

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Thursday, July 17, 2008

slow like my brain

it's not awesome when work is so dead that i struggle to find something to do.  business seems to come and go in this new role.  sometimes i can be busy for two or three days straight, but at times i've got nothing to do at all.  the unfortunate thing is that the nature of my company's business keeps the majority of other people in the office tremendously busy all the time, leaving opportunities for intra-office meandering and chit chat to a minimum.  i've even exhausted what i can look at in the local bike shop here.  it's a pretty small shop and their in-store inventory is never that big so i've seen, picked up and messed around with pretty much all of what they have.  the whole "you have to be here until 5" thing sucks too.
i suppose i have to keep positive about it, obviously it could be worse.  i could be stuck at the "you have to be here until 5" job and still have to commute for an hour and a half after that.  at least at this place i'm close enough to either ride my bike or drive for less than 15 mins to get home.
actually, if i ride my bike i can get here in 18 minutes.  i'm not quite sure how it works that in my car it takes me 15 but on the bike is 18.  i think it may have to do with the pace that i ride - it must cause me to miss out on most of the stop lights.  next week i intend to ride my bike exclusively - rain or shine - thereby reducing my carbon footprint to almost nothing.
well, maybe not.  i keep the a/c in my house cranked pretty high.  riding my bike will probably just balance that out.  barely.

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Monday, July 14, 2008

no iPhone for me

i'm glad i didn't stand in line for hours, or days, or months even.
or even a few minutes.
i just got off the phone with Fido, my cell phone provider, because i wanted to buy an iPhone.  unfortunately because i renewed my contract last year i am NOT eligible for renewal at this point, so i'll have to wait until 2009 if i want one.  fuckin fuckers.
on a brighter note, there are at least two people in my office singing brutally butchered versions of songs that i enjoy from their original artists.
in the meantime, make sure you join me in my challengeHänni's taking part, and if she's taking part then everyone else should too.  i'm giving up on my car for the week and doing everything by bicycle that week.  i figure it'll save me about $30-$40 in gas based on the cost at the pump this morning.

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Sunday, July 13, 2008

parking fail

the other day i got to witness an epic parking fail:


Wednesday, July 09, 2008

the grand challenge

this summer i feel like i haven't been spending enough time riding my bike - so i'm challenging the cyclists out there who actually read this.
i haven't decided if there will be a prize associated with it.  if there is a prize, it will be something simple and likely be based largely on bragging rights.  i'm officially declaring July 20-26 to be Blogger Bike Week (and yes, i intentionally picked something that would have the abbreviation of BBW).  the only thing you'll need to take part is you, your bike and your bike computer thingy (you know, the one that tells you how far you've gone and how fast you're going).
prize categories include:
  • most kilometers travelled (or for any american, miles converted into km's) for the duration of the week
  • highest max speed
  • highest average speed
  • longest individual trip
anyone who wants to take part, send me an email to welfarebum @ gmail.com with Blogger Bike Week in the subject.  feel free to spread the word around to anyone you may think who wants to take part.  this is a largely "for fun" thing.  send pics, details about you and your ride, etc.  everyone who joins up will be featured here in a sort of mini-bio.  maybe i'll involve some sort of charity component too - or that can be part of the prizes or something.  if there's enough interest, i'll create a web page where you can log in and keep track of your daily stats.
who's in?

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Thursday, July 03, 2008

it wasn't me

someone in my office just sneezed and it sounded like a fart.
i hope it was a sneeze.


Wednesday, July 02, 2008

day's never finished

so sometimes when you work, it's busy as hell. and sometimes when you work, it's boring as hell. this is one of those boring times.
many internal people are on holidays, being the first week of july. unfortunately, many clients are on holidays too. this results in my no-holiday-having-ass sitting around waiting impatiently for the next request to come in.
so now i sit and wait. i surf the internet even though i'm not supposed to, and i think i've read every issue of Bicycling magazine that i have. arg. people keep telling me that "it'll be so busy you won't be able to manage it all," but i have yet to see that come through. it's kind of a double-edged sword - is it better to sit boredly around and be thankful i'm not busy or is it better to be so busy it at least justifies my being at work.
i wish someone would pay me to ride my bike. i have a hell of a lot of training before that can happen though.