shhhh....

quiet!  mom's asleep!

i love the news.  not the politics and war (well, North Korean politics are pretty cool, but that's a whole different story), but the good news that's usually found under the heading of "Oddly Enough" or "Odd News" or "Offbeat".

i love to read stories about ... oh ... stuff like the guy who had a lightbulb stuffed up his arse - and didn't know about it, or that in the philippines some soldiers are getting in shit for pawning their guns.

totally off topic...

in the coming weeks i'm going to have some time off and i've begun training for my vacation.  well, more of a long weekend really.  what i'm planning to do is a two to three day bike tour of southern ontario.  i'll be starting in Toronto and heading east.  making some good use of the bike i went on so much aboot.  i'll be covering about 250km of territory over that time period and hopefully taking lots of pictures.  there's a great site that outlines the trip from Toronto to Montreal - i'm pretty much stopping at the half-way point.

Diet Coke + Mentos = FUN

this is what happens when you have WAY too much time on your hands...


http://www.eepybird.com/

6 in the mornin' cops at my door

it's really amazing how much work you can get done in an hour when you get there before everyone else.  it's almost kind of pleasant - no distractions, nobody coming up beside you and saying "quick question..." and then following that statement up with a question that may be quick, but requires an answer that's not necessarily quick.  i've made it through almost my entire checklist of things to do this morning inside the first hour.

and i have to give enormous praise to Jen at When Ducks Attack for finding Andre's online NES Emulator .  Seems to me the only thing it's missing is Baseball Stars, but it has Double Dragon, Dr. Mario and Punch Out.  many good happy times playing those games.  i can remember playing Double Dragon for hours (and will now have to try to avoid playing it for hours rather than working).

still nobody signing up for the Untastic Music Swap yet, so get signing up already.  i'm getting anxious to make some swaps.

but then again, i still haven't created the FAQ list yet, so i s'pose i can't be too pushy aboot things.

muzak and the welfare bum

in the last few days i've been addicted to the Wu-Tang album Enter the 36 Chambers.  i would have to say that in my opinion there are a lot of better rap albums than that one, but there's just something about it.  maybe it's the countless samples from poorly-overdubbed samurai and kung-fu movies... "the shao-lin and the wu-tang could be dangerous."  for anyone who doesn't know (and i'm pretty sure anyone reading this already does know) the Wu-Tang Clan is the birth place for a whole pile of the industry's best rappers - Methodman, Ol' Dirty Bastard and Ghostface Killah to name just a few.  definitely some of the best voices of rap all piled together on one disc.  worth picking up a copy if you don't already have one (though personally i've always like Wu-Tang Forever better - but most people tend to disagree with me).

i'm almost done creating the group for the music swap.  email me at welfarebum @ gmail . com (remove the spaces of course) if'n you want to take part.  everyone is welcome as long as you're not a psycho stalker.  remember, your musical tastes and preferences don't really matter - if i get a cd full of new-wave country i'm probably not gonna like it, but i'll at least give it a listen and let y'all know what i think about it.  i'll post some rules and guidelines over the next day or two, and i'd really like to start a swap next week.

that all being said, my work is still ridiculously busy this week.  hopefully this will be the end of my not being able to have time to do things other than work (i mean, who actually WORKS when they're at work?  how lame-o-ramic).  who'd have thought that low-end database stuff and writing reports could be so time consuming.

hitler cats dot com

just click.

http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com/

a little bit of eye candy

because i've been ridiculously busy this week and had little time to post anything of any significance, i'd like you to meet poppy - the new addition to our household. he's a chihuahua and is around 11 weeks old.




pics, scarf and flower by cindy.

proposition 68

i'm going to try to get some new workplace legislation passed here in canada.  recently there were some new, more strict guidelines on where people can smoke in relation to your office building and the entrances so that non-smokers like myself don't have to put up with the stench and lung damage caused by people smoking in our faces.  I propose that immediately the following foods also be banned from the work place for the same reason:

• anything with onions.  generally most food places use pretty tame onions, but every once in a while someone will come back to the office mid-afternoon with a sub from some grubby back-alley sub shop that is covered in some of the most rank, foul smelling onions that human kind has ever known.  the type that when you accidentally buy one at home, you know your cutting board is going to smell for days afterwards no matter how much you wash it.
• anything with curry.  when curry is heated, especially in the workplace, it emits an odour that makes me come very close to gagging.  i don't really care how good it might taste - it could taste like chocolate and peanut butter for all i care - but it stinks.  not for the office.  (or for the condo for that matter - but that's another complaint for another day).
• shrimp.  this item should NEVER be reheated in the microwave.  when cheap shrimp is heated in the microwave it smells kind of like the feet of someone who has recently run a great distance in very warm weather.  but then again, i'm also a firm believer that it is digestively and morally wrong for anyone to eat seafood.  it's just gross, that's all.  if we leave the bottom feeders in the ocean, the world will be a better place.
  

hot mixes and a sandwich bag

k, so for any and all of those interested in the music swap, this week at some point over the next couple of days i'll be creating a google group, posting the rules and providing the link for y'all to join.  if there's lots of people i figure we can swap once a month, if there's not as many maybe once every couple of months.  we'll see.

oh, and by the way, there is a new chihuahua puppy roaming around in my apartment.  coming in at a colossal 2.2 pounds, he is roughly 10% of the body weight of my orange fluffy cat.  they seem to get along pretty good though.  it's kind of insane just how cute a dog that small is.  cute to the point that people slow down their cars and stop in the road when we're walking along so that they can point at him and gush over his cuteness (pictures will follow soon).

this week is theoretically going to be a very hectic week at work.  the main problem i'm encountering is the whole "waiting for people to do their shite" shite that i regularly work with.  some people don't seem to emphasize working to their maximum potential here, or maybe just their maximum speeds.  it's quite rare that any pressure is set on deadlines - like the deadline of this friday.  an email was sent out earlier saying "we still appear to be on target for this friday..." - honestly, you'd think that a massive client-impacting deadline might be a little more solidly set than that.  meh.  what can you do?

read blogs more effectively i'd guess.  anyone have any ideas?  i've thought aboot various online things and offline things.  i know BlogExplosion has an offline reader, and i've been using a plugin for FireFox called "Sage", but that doesn't really help me manage my list that well, or easily link to people.  there's aboot a half-dozen or so more blogs i've got to add to my link list that are waiting on my designing a new layout.  does anyone know if Bloglines or Blogrolling help manage the list of blogs you list as links?  i suppose i could just create accounts on either of those and try for myself, but i want to hear what other people haves to say aboot it.

there's a huge crack in the middle of uranus

i keep my crack in my pants.  this man does not.

my company decided in very recent times that they were going to buy everyone company golf shirts.  i realize that this is probably a regular type of thing in most corporate environments, but i come from a company that charged (quite a bit actually) money for anything bearing their logo.  i seem to remember one dipshit... err... person paying $35 for one of their dumb-ass shirts.

the really cool thing about the shirts from the new company though - they are silky soft.  some bizarre synthetic material comprized of Tactel Nylon and Scotchguard .

that's right, Scotchguard.  the same thing that allows you to clean up kids' puke and pet pee off of your couch and carpets now saves my shirt from embarrassing coffee, vomit and urine stains!

not that i have problems with those.

what i mean is i don't have a problem that creates those types of stains.  i do have problems with those stains themselves.

and i don't mean that i can't get them out of my clothes.  because i can.

well, i could if i wanted to, but i don't want to.

listen, i don't pee and barf on my clothes.  who needs scotchguard anyways.

el musico el swapico

seems there's a bit of interest thus far in the idea of a music swap, but i think some people are hesitating based on the idea that i've been pretty non-specific regarding guidelines.  this won't be the official set-in-stone rules, but some general guidelines that i would like to follow in the event this music-swap idea ever gets in gear.  mostly i want to give some answers to questions that have been asked so far...

• what type of music am i looking for (thanks for asking Jen)?  any type.  i listen to an enormous variety of genres and i don't want to limit or request anything from someone who might be sending me a mix.  what i'm looking for most is an interesting mix of music that surrounds a theme.  i might like it, i might not, whatever.  i'd rather not get a mix that was full of Good Charlotte and Poison, but if that's the mix i get - so be it.  i'm sure some people may not like some of the mixes i make.
• worried about making a crappy mix?  think you have shite taste in music (thanks for the comment helen)?  no worries.  the way i figure is this - everyone sends/receives a mix.  when you get your mix, post to the forum/group that you got it and what you think of it (always post a track list too by the way).  the thing that i like the most about it is getting something different and fun in the mail that isn't a credit card bill.
• as for sharing playlists (thanks to cuppojoe for that idear)?  i think as long as both the sender and recipient can agree that's the way they prefer to send and recieve music, that's fine.  personally i prefer to have the disc in hand with the tracks on it.  it'll make me listen to the whole thing front-to-back.
• for each round of music swaps - one person will send one (or more) mixes to one other people.  anyone else who wants to make a copy of the cd can check the track list on the forum and make their own copy.  unless of course you're the crazy type who wants to mail something to every other person - but that will be your choice.
  

this isn't an original idea.  mostly i'm stealing from a group i used to be a part of that sort of fizzled apart when it came down to there only being 3 or 4 active members, so i'd like to see at least a half-dozen people before i commit to actually getting this thing in gear.  we'll do one round of swaps, post the results to the forum and get things going from there.  if there's more interest i'll make some more solid rules/guidelines and a forum to post things to (if you don't have a blog but still want to take part, no worries - that's what the forum will be for).

and again, as i mentioned - anyone who you suggest outside of the blog reading world to join needs to be someone with whom you are comfortable having your mailing address.

so yeah, email or comment if you're interested.

once again back is the incredible, the rhyme animal

hot damn! another $10 sale at threadless! anyone reading should click the true fact about cowboys below to check out some kick-arse t-shirts



so far i've recruited a handful of people in agreeing that yesterday's idea was a good one, but i still need a handful more before i'll go to the effort of setting up a group and getting some swapping in gear. no need to have a blog you're going to post this stuff to, so if you know someone outside the blog-nerd-world that would like to take part, post a comment or email and let me know. of course please keep in mind that you'd be comfortable in that person knowing your mailing address (i'll try to make sure my psycho filter is in full effect).

so yeah, let's hear it for getting something in the mail other than bills yo.

mixing and matching

once upon a time i used to be a part of an online group that sent mixed CDs to each other based on a monthly theme. the sad part about it is that participation started to fizzle down as people got busy. eventually there were only about 3 or 4 people making mixes for each other on any sort of regular basis who were probably also reasonably busy in their lives so the mixes received ended up being a little stagnant, sometimes people forgot to send them out, you know how it happens.

well, i was thinking of starting something like that up again myself. the group started off quite orgainzed and well structured, but as people got comfortable with each other the rules got relaxed.... so if this goes (and i hope it does, it's fun) i figure i'll just be a bastard about making sure the rules are followed and i'll be the prick when people aren't doing the right things.

SO, anyone think that's a good idear too? i figure if i can get enough interest in the next week or two maybe i'll get a Google Group going and lay down some ground rules. please post a comment or email me (welfarebum AT gmail DOT com) if you're interested.

rock on.

what?? did you say something?

today my hearing hurts.  but for a good cause.

my little sister sent an email t'other day telling me she had an extra MINISTRY (loud music link warning) ticket with my name on it.

to which i said "HELL YEAH"

it was a great show.  a couple of opening bands i hadn't really heard of but may check out again at some point.  the first band had the word Pitbull in the name (Pitbull Daycare maybe?  can't quite remember) - not too bad, the lead singer kept hitting himself in the head.  that right there's got entertainment value.  the Revolting Cocks (sorry, no link for that one while i'm at work - don't want that search coming up on the company's filters).  Al Jourgensen came out and played guitar for them for their whole set.  then Ministry.  and what's awesome is they even played most of the songs anyone who doesn't pay much attention would remember them for - N.W.O., Just One Fix, Psalm 69.  yes, much ass was kicked by Ministry during that show.

and my ears too yo.  it's been about 7 hours since the show ended and i can still hear the ringing.  now, i always have a little bit of ringing in my ears which sort of goes along with a history of going to concerts and not wearing ear plugs, but MAN the ringing's loud.  and everything (other than the ringing) sounds like i've got ear plugs in.  which i don't.

so speak quietly to me today, but not too quietly because i won't hear you at all.

that being said, my word of advice to anyone thinking about going to a concert - bring ear plugs and wear them.  it won't drown out that much of the sound, just the part that hurts.  the concert may be cool but permanent hearing damage - not so much.

Movie Algebra: movie A plus movie B = movie AB!

what happens when you wear out your sequel opportunities in one movie franchise, and meet someone else who's run out of sequel opportunities on their movie franchise?

well, you combine them together of course!

Freddy met Jason in a clash of two of the most over-sequeled movies in history.

Aliens met the Predator in another.

then you've got a whole new opportunity for MORE SEQUELS!!!  let's hear it for AVP2!

of course, that's not the really sad part.  the REALLY sad part is that not only have i seen all of the original sequels, but i have also stooped to the level of watching BOTH combo flicks and will likely end up watching the sequels of the combos.

now i can't tell who sucks more - me or the production companies.

where movies differ from real life

remember the coffee?  yeah, me too.  pretty gross.  strangely frightening.

perhaps even more frightening today was that this morning i decided i would open the mug and clean it out.  i carefully and slowly picked up the covered travel mug and made a steady journey to the kitchen in my office building.

i approached the sink, travel mug in hand, just a little nervous as to what i would be seeing - worse yet, smelling - once the lid was removed.

i glanced around quickly - nobody within reasonable distance.

slowly i removed the lid and found...

nothing.

at some point in the last few days, someone went to the effort of taking the mug from its place, emptying it and putting it back without my knowledge.  some brave soul with a stomach of steel felt the need to find out the exact content of my travel mug of doom.

it wasn't washed out though.  there was still a minute amount of coffee sediment in the bottom of the cup.

alas, there no pictures of the coffee mug of horror and no terrible tales of cubicle contained vomit.

now, what to do about the Pepsi can that's been on my desk for the last eight days...

at the zoo

when i was at the zoo, i couldn't see the elephant because he was hiding behind the tree. very clever for a pachyderm that doesn't want to be photographed. 

when turning on the lights proves to be a painful process

putting a cactus in front of a light switch normally wouldn't be such a bright idea (no pun intended... well, maybe it was).

it's a good thing that light switch doesn't actually do anything. 

i think i finally understand horror movies

i think i finally have developed a thorough understanding of horror movie victims.  you know the type that i'm talking about right?  the people in the movie who clearly should know better to not look behind the door, not open the window, not answer the call of the loved one they think is in pain, etc.

there is a travel mug on my desk.  it's made of stainless steel, and when i make use of the mug it keeps my coffee quite warm for a very long time.

however, it is not designed to keep my coffee warm for several weeks.

which is how long the last cup of coffee has been sitting in there.

part of me wants to open it up and look inside.  it's been sitting there on my desk for a minimum of two weeks with the lid on.  i occasionally pick it up just to remind myself that there was/is something liquid in it.  i'm quite curious to see what has happened in there.  i'm sure at some point that the microbes in the air and the little bits of whatever inside decided to join forces and grow together creating a symbiotic relationship with each other and spawning at least a couple of new species of mould.  maybe there's a new creature in there that's been growing and waiting patiently for some unsuspecting victim.  once the lid has been removed, it will seize the opportunity and leap forward to unleash its terror upon humankind.

or it could just be a mouldy old cup of coffee that stinks real bad.

either way i think i'm just a little bit frightened to open it up.  i'll have to wait until there's nobody else around.  if it's the creature - it will consume me, but hopefully die of hunger in its search for others.  if it's just a stank old cup of coffee - then it will only be me to gag once its horror has been unleashed.

a side order of clumsy

in keeping with the "mmat sucks" theme of the last couple of days, today has been what is most likely the clumsiest day of the week so far (thankfully the week is officially ending in a matter of hours).

today i pinched the end of my finger in the handles of the scissors while opening the milk container.  so now i have a little bruise on my middle finger's fingerprint (sorry, i forgot to bring my camera today).

i also deployed a non-functional version of a report in place of the functional version and wasted a good hour of someone else's time as a result.

well, i s'pose that one isn't too bad.

and i also brought one of my mini-cds to listen to on the way to work.  does my car's cd player play mini-cds?  no.  did i already know this?  yes.

maybe i've been doing crack today and i just haven't told myself.

how bad to i suck?

well, i suck pretty bad.  despite numerous reminders from various family members, reminder emails to myself and a note in my Gmail calendar - i completely forgot to call my brother on his birthday.

until 6am this morning when i sat at my desk and said "SHIT" quite loudly.

i'm pretty sure i did this last year too.  heck, it seems to me that i do this to most of my family members.  i think if everyone could just shift their respective birthdays just one day ahead that would sort out all of my problems.  i've had a bad case of the stupids this week.  i'm gonna blame it on the heat.